You Are My Hope

Yesterday while driving home after my appt. (and dropping Dan off at squirrel camp in Fennville for the weekend), I started to cry. Tears of relief, tears of sadness, and tears of lost hope. I was listening to the radio and trying to soak in each song on 99.3 and guess what song comes on? You are my hope by Skillet. I waited to share this til today because I knew I needed it today. Today is harder than yesterday just because it’s starting to hit me. I continued to put hope in healing of my earthly body, but I need to put my hope solely on Christ. This song brings tears to my eyes just reading the lyrics because this is EXACTLY what we are going through and what we are clinging to:

You Are My Hope
Times are hard
Times have changed
Don’t you say
But I keep holding on to you
It’s hard to keep the faith alive day to day
Leaning on the strength I’ve found in you
You’re the hope of all the earth

Chorus:
You are my hope
You are my strength
You’re everything
Everything I need
You are my hope
You are my life
You are my hope
You are my hope

Far beyond what I can see or comprehend
Etching your eternity in me
Nations scream and angels sing, “Jesus reigns”
And every knee bows down
You’re the hope of all the earth
(Chorus)

Carry on and I sing of how
You love and I love you now
All the times that I start to sink
You come and you rescue me
You are my hope
You are my hope

Wow. Those words are so powerful. My faith is stretched. It’s hard to keep it equally strong each day. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine that God has an even BETTER plan for us. With 10 years of uncertainty coming to a rest yesterday, and the feeling of losing hope, I have to believe and have hope that God is still orchestrating our life to HIS perfect plan. Today I kept thinking of other people and how our life is so different. Our struggles are so different than other people our age. Yet we are blessed too. We have a family who has supported and loved us so deeply through all of this. We have friends who have been there with us.

Yesterday my mom wondered how things would be different if doctors would have found this earlier. Would we have to be going through all of this? Out of my whole family I was the one to see the doctor the most for the wierdest things and my heart condition was never discovered. It just wasn’t God’s timing to reveal it to them. I know deep down that this is God’s perfect will. I know He doesn’t like to see us hurting, but it’s through the hurt that faith and strength is gained.

Who knows what the future holds. If I would’ve known 10 years ago that Kristin would be going through this, I would’ve been so fearful and so no way God! Glad I didn’t know :). All I know today is that this is hard and tears fall, but God knows best.