I have put a lot of thought into what I want this new year to look like.
I’m sure you’ve heard it said to “not look back, but only forward”. I think that’s a good principle to live by, but I can’t help but think about the past. I can’t help but think about how I used to live and how I want to live now.
Being a blogger, I find myself saying things that make me wonder if I am really who people think I am? When I type a post, is it really “me”? For those of you who know me, I can only hope that if I asked you that question, that you could say “yes” that is the real Kristin. I find that when I write my life out in blog posts, it is just a portion of who I am. It is just a small glimpse. Yet I want that glimpse to be the real me.
That is why this year I want to focus on being authentic in my posts. You may be wondering well shouldn’t that be your goal in every post? Well, it’s actually hard to do. Every year I hear that word thrown around, especially at the new year, but I hate to say it, I am going to jump on the bandwagon.
Authenticity I feel is at the heart of Jesus. Look at how He lived His life – there was nothing “fake” about Him. He was who He was, He didn’t care what others thought of Him, yet He didn’t walk with this “air” about Him – He walked with integrity. What He said, matched up with what He did.
That is what I want to be – I want my words to match up with my actions.
For a few years, I was a pretty avid organizer (and maybe still am a bit), but I realized that because I enjoyed blogging about organizing, it seemed people thought that we had this magazine and picturesque home. Let me tell you, it is far from that. We do not have fancy things. We have worn out, second-hand, and ordinary things. Nothing special. Though I felt that I was giving off the impression that we had it altogether.
Fast forward to having a child. My pregnancy went so well. We dreamed of having a child for YEARS. And let me reiterate – YEARS. So when we found out I could carry a child, we were beyond words. After Mazy was born, we were still beyond words. And to this day, we still are. At night when we go to bed, we often say how we never knew we could love so deeply. But you see, just because we LOVE parenting and love our daughter more than we ever imagined, it doesn’t mean it’s easy. Just because we now have a child, doesn’t mean that there aren’t tough times.
And that is where I want to be authentic. I want the pictures that I post of her (which I know are now probably in the 100s), to match up with the fact that yes, that is our life, with a beautiful child, but also the reality of parenting. I got the free parenting magazines in the mail and I realized that every time I read them, I felt I had to be this certain parent. They were filled with how-tos, how to become, and what to become. Even though at times I gained some valuable knowledge from them, I still felt incomplete. I felt I had to be this certain somebody.
That is not who Christ called me to be. That is not who Christ created me to be.
He called me to a life of authenticity. A life of integrity. A life that is modeled after Him, yet while I walk in the life He gave me. Not this magazine life. Not this perfect life. Not this “have it altogether” life.
That is what I hope you get out of this blog. A picture of the realities of life. Like I said, this year I want to try and find myself again – that begins with searching for who God has called me to be.
My life is just my life. But I want my life to be authentic, so I hope that you see the real me, coming out through all of these crazy posts of mine!