I actually wrote this yesterday, but we couldn’t get internet connection, so I am posting it today.
I told myself I would be real, and so I’m going to be honest. Today is such a hard day. It feels like a lot has caved in on us again. I asked Dan once again, how much more can we take? Yet everytime I say that, I realize God has taken us through each of the times I had said that. It feels like when something feels “solid” in our life, God shakes the ground a little bit and says, not too fast. I felt like took so many steps back yesterday, and it’s just so much to carry. But as Dan and I were laying in bed last night and I couldn’t fall asleep he said, “at least we have each other.” When the world is against us, we have our marriage and ultimately we will always have God on our side.
I was having SUCH a good week, but God KNEW that the end of the week would be extremely hard. He KNEW we would have a huge setback. He KNEW that Dan and I would need each other. Yesterday I was driving and I heard the song by Fireflight, “For Those Who Wait.” We took our youth group to PULSEfest, which is this HUGE Christian concert in Indiana and they were there performing. I had heard this song a bazillion times and sing a long to it as well, but I never really soaked in the words. God, you have spoken to me. God, you have reached out to me through a song. God, we are in a waiting game.
For Those Who Wait
This is for those who wait
Another day another waiting game
A little different but still the same
I am here but where’s the one I’m longing for?
I’m having troubles feeling all alone
Will my heart ever find a home?
I want to hope but sometimes I just don’t know
I know I’m not the only one
Chorus:
So you sing a lullaby
To the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire
Let it set you free
When you’re fighting to believe
In a love that you can’t see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait
I want to open up my eyes
I know that all I need is time
I’m growing stronger every single day
God I’m gonna leave them to You now
Letting go all of my fear and doubt
I can’t do this on my own, so I’ll give You control
I know I’m not the only one
The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
And the difference makes it worth it
The words to this song are really an expression of what I am feeling. It’s another day to wait. Another day to struggle, but I am hungering – I am hungering for what God’s plan is. But God WILL set our hearts on fire b/c He WILL satisfy the lonliness and the feelings of fear and doubt. And I know I’m not the only one. It’s just hard to keep thinking positively when so much is “against” us right now.
But before I even started typing this, I read a passage from Psalm 145 – God is good!
Psalm 145: 16-19
You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
God knows! He SATISFIES. And He IS loving – an unconditional love, even though love is tough. He WILL fulfill the desires of Dan and I – even though us ourselves don’t even know what that looks like. He sees my tears and He will save me from this all. Sometimes it seems like everything is falling apart. But God CONTINUALLY shows me that He is forever faithful, even when I am not. When I falter, doubt, and lose hope, He does not. In fact, He sees strength building through weakness. Waiting on the Lord is hard, but I keep telling myself that it’s just not our time and that GOD KNOWS BEST!
I praise God that He continually shows me His love through His Word – even for those who wait!
Praying that every setback teaches you something more about God and His greatness. I know the waiting is hard cause I am living it right with ya but your faith IS what makes you strong. I know you feel weak (cause I do too) but you are STRONG to me. I know I don't see yo ubehind closed doors but you are witnesses to many (including me). We will see God's greatplan unfold in both our lives…all we can do is trust. Heart ya friend!
Lindsey