I honestly cannot believe I am sitting here, one week later. The time has flown. After this past weekend, I was anticipating an extremely long road to recovery. I still am in a sense, but I feel like I can do this. I’m sure you know the feeling. Just look back at each day this past week. It has brought it’s own challenges, it’s own frustrations, and it’s own hardships, in it’s own way. But looking back on it, you can look and see how you’ve conquered. How you’ve persevered. Isn’t it just the best feeling?
Thinking back to one week ago, what a different world I was in. So fragile, my life hanging on by literal threads called tubes, and reteaching myself to breathe. Now, I sit here, upright, still reteaching myself how to breathe (amazingly that is a LONG process to get your lung capacity back), but filled with so much life. I can’t imagine my life any different. Speaking of breathing, yesterday I asked Dan to do my incentive spirometer to see if I was getting anywhere near “normal” again, and I was at like the 1250 mL. I wanted Dan to do it so I would have a goal. Yeah, I shouldn’t have asked – he popped it up to like 3,500mL. Okay, so I have a LONG ways to go. But only being a week out of surgery and not having anymore complications to note, I am so pleased.
The support we have received since being home, has been phenomenal. It’s humbling to not be able to get your clothes on and off in the morning, to not be able to get a coat on to go outside, and have to have much done for you, but when you truly physically can’t, you have no other choice. And it’s been so good for me. Again, the pride needed to be taken down a notch, folks. Our families and friends have so gone above and beyond! We didn’t know all what we would need, but realizing that I literally cannot lift Mazy up for at least 4 weeks which means I can’t be alone with her for 4 weeks then, makes me realize that we just can’t live this life alone. Often times I try to do so much on my own, thinking “oh I can do that…” but then realize I just can’t. It’s humbling.
Like the other night. The first night home, I had my cell phone right by my head so that I could call Dan if I needed help during the night. I should say too, we have to sleep in separate beds b/c there is no way both of us would fit in the bed with my 8 pillows. Anyways, I had managed to make it onto my left side somehow (not incision side), and couldn’t get up. I tried to reach for my phone to call Dan, but I literally was stuck. So, after a few minutes, I finally managed to sit up, but what a helpless feeling! The next night, we pulled out the baby monitor and Dan hooked it up by me, so that I could ask him to come help me, while he slept upstairs with Mazy. We’ve learned you do what you need to do! Mazy could sleep in her own bed, but if she wakes up, wanting me, I obviously can’t get her, so with her sleeping by Dan, we know she will sleep through the night. Again, breaking every parenting rule we ever set, but like we said last night, we are doing what we can. And you know what? We are all just fine and Mazy is well loved!
Nights prove to be a bit of a challenge, only because I miss my hospital bed. It’s difficult to get comfortable, so I wake up every hour, but once I find that golden position, I fall right back asleep until the next time. I am taking long naps, 1-2 a day, which tells me my body is working hard at healing. And God is giving me what I need.
We have a visiting nurse coming to the house a couple times a week to help with my blood thinner (sure don’t enjoy being on that), vitals, incision checks, etc., and the best advice she gave was “listen to your body.” If you’ve ever recovered from anything, which I know you have, listening to your body will put you in the best position to heal. It’s hard to listen (apparently I’m really hard of hearing), but it has made a huge difference.
Oh, and Mazy. Did I tell you how much we love that sweet girl? Yesterday, she could hear me sniffling (my diuretics make my nose run) and she asked “mommy, I get Kleenex?” Sure honey…she jumps down, runs to the bathroom, gets a kleenex, and even offers to throw it away for me. I also had just finished a little snack (lemon poppyseed bread from a lady from my parent’s church…YUMMO!), and Mazy said “Mommy, take plate?” I wasn’t sure what she meant, but she hopped down again from her coloring chair, grabbed my plate, put it on the counter, and came back to coloring. This girl has a heart of gold. She’s a bit timid around me and doesn’t quite understand why I can’t do certain things, but what LOVE this sweetie has!
To ensure she doesn’t hurt me, she will touch my leg, look up, as if asking “is this okay?” This whole situation hasn’t just been an adjustment for us, but a huge adjustment for Mazy. I am thankful she did not see me in the hospital because she sees the scabs and scars from my neck tubes and they bother her. I can only imagine what it would’ve been like if she did see me there. We are trying to protect her little mind from as much as we can! She has adjusted extremely well to mommy not being able to do what she normally does, and Dan of course, has gone above and beyond!
Dan has completely stepped up to the plate. Talk about a life-changing situation for him too. He does everything for me and Mazy, without batting an eye. His love for his family is inspirational. Couldn’t be more proud to be his wife!
We’ve got a long ways to go, but we are one week down! My surgeon said it would be a good 6 months before I am completely back to normal, but that’s okay. We knew it would be long. So 6 months is better than a year! Trying to keep it all in perspective!
Much to be thankful for during this time!