Often when I reminisce, it is in a positive sense. Remembering the good times, dreaming of experiencing them again, and reliving those moments in my head.
Then there are moments that I find myself reliving in my head and some of them are hard to reminisce about. As many of you are probably aware, it was a year ago that I had my second open heart surgery (first open heart surgery in the fall). It was a surgery filled with so much hope and anticipation. On the other side of it, there was going to be a life of health. A life filled with so much promise heart-wise. For that life, I was so excited and was eager and couldn’t wait to just get past those first few weeks. It was a very difficult surgery due to pain, but by the time I got home, I knew okay, here we go! I was on the road to recovery.
And as many of you know, my recovery did not go as planned, as I ended up needing a second surgery (third open heart surgery total). A time in my life where I had never been so sick, with my organs on the brink of failing.
Now here I am, a year later. I remember saying often, that they said it would take a year to fully recover from what had happened. Never in my mind did I imagine the past year being filled with so many unexpected moments. And to have a heart that is in even worse shape. That is sometimes hard to accept.
Even though this is hard to say at times, I truly believe that God has brought me through what He has, for a reason. One of them being the story He has written through A Heartbeat of Grace. When I think about all that He has blessed me with, through the giving of His grace in the most difficult times in life, I can’t help but be so incredibly thankful. Like that verse says, be thankful in all circumstances. Not FOR them, but IN them. Seeing the ways that God has countless times, proved himself faithful, I can’t help but let that be a promise for my future (much like it says in the Bible too).
Do I sometimes wish that all of that didn’t happen? Absolutely. Do I sometimes wish I could just be a “normal” 34 year old? You bet. Do I easily get frustrated at times when yet I have to take another pill and deal with the side effects? Often. But I know that God is working something new in me every single day, and how can I argue with that? I am alive and that in and of itself is a miracle.
Don’t we all have situations in our life that when you are going through them, you wonder what the purpose is? Why God would allow what He did? But looking back, can’t we all look back and think, okay God, maybe you knew what you were doing!?
That is where I continually find myself. Looking up and saying, “God, I trust you, even when I don’t get it myself.” He always knows what He is doing. Is it always easy? Nope. But when you can journey down life’s difficult situations with peace, knowing that He’s got your back, it makes the journey a whole lot more bearable.
Keep your head up. You just never know what God might call you to next. And I firmly believe, our todays are all in preparation for our tomorrows!