12 Ways to Get Through the Hard Times
When I was diagnosed with a congenital heart condition when I was 17, I had no idea how that one diagnosis would effect the rest of my life. I thought I was invincible, but oh did God have a lot to teach me! I am often asked how I do it – how do I get through the hard times? Recently I shared 15 Bible Verses for the Hard Times and honestly, it is my faith in God, that helps me wake up to his new mercies every morning. In reality, I DON’T do it. My faith can waiver, I can get bogged down, doubt can seep in, and I wonder all the “whys” too. But how can we look at our situations, as dire as they may be at times, and still get through them?
I wanted to share with you 12 ways I find myself getting through the hard times. This will look different for everyone, and I get that. Though I find that when we are going through hard times in life, one of the best things we can do is embrace what God is doing in our lives and see how he is using it for his glory. Because in the end, that is what this life is about – making His name, His glory, known.
Keep the Faith
I put this one first because I feel like this is the most important. I know that phrase is such a Sunday school answer, but for me, it is the key to getting through the hard times. This is also where I struggle a bit. When I talk about keeping the faith, I don’t mean just believing that God can heal me. Though I think it’s important to believe that he can, I don’t put all my hope in the fact that he WILL. I don’t know if he will. That may not be part of God’s perfect plan for my life. So in keeping the faith, I don’t think we have any LESS faith, if we just raise our hands high and say it’s all you, God! Believing that God is allowing all he has, for his sovereign purposes, puts me at more peace with my hard times, than if I just lived every moment thinking he will heal me. Because what if he doesn’t? Is he still a good God? Is he still sovereign? What I do believe is that he IS sovereign, I am not, and I just have to keep trusting that nothing happens without him seeing, knowing, or hearing. It’s all in his hands.
Remember God’s promises
I’ll be honest, I struggle with this one. I believe that Psalm 37:4 is true – that if I delight in God, he will give me the desire of my heart. Are my desires always his? Not always. Where is that balance of my desires vs. his desires? I find that the more I get to know God, invest in my relationship with him, and trust him with my future, the more I delight in him and his desires become mine. Again, will God heal me? That’s not for me to answer. Maybe his desire is for me to accept my heart failure as always being a part of my life and that he will use it far beyond how I could ever imagine. And therefore, his promises are still true. His desires, become mine. And I hold onto the truth that he will use this in a much more powerful way than if he did.
It isn’t forever
As a believer in Christ, I believe that one day I will be fully healed of my heart failure. Of every struggle I have. And let me tell you, knowing that I will not be battling this forever, is incredibly comforting (though at times it sure feels like an eternity). When I had a procedure done on my heart, it was a tough recovery. There were minutes when I wasn’t sure I could make it to the next. But I had to keep telling myself, nothing is forever. Except one thing: eternal life with Christ, in a perfect world, with a perfect body.
Stay positive
I can be an optimistic person. Do I have moments when I’m not? Oh yes. But one way I find it helpful to get through the hard times is by staying positive. If I let the realities of my situation overtake me on the daily, I would be a complete train wreck and let’s be honest, that’s no way to live everyday. A friend once told me, “Instead of looking at life with the perspective of what I CAN’T do, I look at what I CAN do.” Can I get an AMEN? That has completely changed my perspective. When I miss fun events with Mazy because I’m in the hospital or at an appointment, I can easily get down about it and sometimes cry because of my FOMO (fear of missing out). But when I realize what I CAN do with her, and will be able to do with her in the future, it changes my mindset.
Reflect on how you’ve changed
God never lets anything in life go to waste. No situation, no hard time, no good time. It’s all for a purpose. The hard times in my life, surgeries, losing our twins, on-going heart issues, have all completely changed who I am. Have I enjoyed the journey? Not always. But God has used all of my circumstances to create a clearer picture of WHO he is, how he loves me, his constant presence, and his goodness. Yes, even through the deepest grief and struggles, he has been good, and he has been faithful. And it has changed me for the good (hopefully).
Find things to be grateful for
1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” When I am in the middle of a difficult time, am I thankful for it? Honestly, not always. I just want to fight, grit through it, and be done with it. But God says in this verse to give thanks IN all circumstances. I can still be thankful and be recovering from a surgery. Am I thankful it happened? Usually in hindsight I am. But during it all? That’s hard to do. But I can still be thankful for WHO God is IN the circumstance. His provision. His faithfulness. His sovereignty. I can be thankful for the nurses. The doctors. Friends and family who support us. There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for!
Talk about it with those around you
We live in a culture that praises “the good life.” Just look at various social media accounts and you will see people living what some would call “the life”. But what we can so quickly forget, is that they too, go through difficult times. It’s easy to isolate ourselves and hold it all in. Or make it look like it’s all good. I have learned though, one of the most beautiful parts of going through a hard time, is not having to go through it alone. You bet, it’s easier to not talk about it and hold it all in. But how can others support you, if they don’t know what is happening in your life? I firmly believe that we need to talk about what God has allowed in our lives – not just the good, but the hard times too. No where in the Bible does it say to bottle it all up and hold it in forever. Christ was the perfect example of meeting people where they were at – in their hardest of times – ready to offer love, support, and healing for them. It’s hard to be vulnerable and no worries, I struggle with that too. But the times when I have shared my deepest struggles, have been the times when I have been most blessed with the presence of others.
Allow yourself to struggle
I have bad days. I know some would beg to differ, but I truly do. I ask God why. I get incredibly frustrating with my heart failure at times. I cry. I get worn out. And I know I have to allow myself to go there sometimes, so that I can understand my need for Jesus and others. If I didn’t know grief, I wouldn’t know joy. If I didn’t know pain, I wouldn’t know healing. If I didn’t experience hard times, I wouldn’t know God’s faithfulness. Allowing my own heart to wrestle with the realities of life, has only brought me to a deeper relationship with Christ. Do I stay in those moments? No. I think it’s a fine balance, but keeping that faith, through the struggle, will create a beauty out of ashes.
Look back at what you’ve gone through
As many of you know, I wrote a book about the journey God has taken me on called “A Heartbeat of Grace.” While writing it, I shed a few tears. It wasn’t always easy to look back and write about some of the circumstances God has allowed in my life. But what I found though, in looking back, was this beautiful picture of God’s faithfulness. I saw a more detailed picture of who God is, his character, and how he has truly cared about every detail of my life. Stepping back into the past isn’t easy. But when we look at our past through the lens of God’s faithfulness, you will see a clearer picture. I guarantee it.
Take care of yourself
I’ll be honest, I’m terrible at this. I am slowly learning though, that in order to care for others, I first need to take care of myself. I know that sounds a bit “unchristian”, because we are taught to love others as we love ourselves. But that’s just it. If I don’t care about me, my health, my mental state, then I can’t even think about caring for my family. I remember after having Mazy and going through heart failure, I just wanted to be the new mom I had always dreamed of being. But my doctor reminded me that if I wasn’t healthy, I couldn’t care for her anyways. And she was so right! So how do I care for myself? Well, I don’t have an easy answer because this is the one I’m the worst at! So I’m open to any and all suggestions! Though I am learning that staying in the Word, eating healthy, exercising, getting enough sleep, getting ready for the day (as hard as it is some days after a procedure), can really change my view on life. I know those sound like such a textbook answers, and seem self-focused, but amidst the hard times, you need to care about YOU. Because God does too.
The hardship doesn’t define you, nor control you
I let my heart failure define me for far too long. Sometimes I still put that definition behind my name. Shoot, I’m often referred to as “the girl with heart problems”. I am just fine with it though…it makes me giggle. What I have to remind myself of is that my life is rooted in Christ, not my heart failure. Even though I feel like my hard times dictate my life and control my every thought, it only does if I let it. Every day I have to deal with my health issues in one way or another. But I have to daily make the choice to not let it define me, nor control me. When I start to, it’s a long ways out of that tunnel! Might as well not take a step into that tunnel in the first place and allow GOD to define who I am – a daughter of the King!
Allow others to help
Much like talking about your hard times with others, and being honest about your struggles so that others know how to support you, I have learned one of the best things you can do is allow others to help you. I’ll be honest, I still wrestle with this one. I’m becoming better at it, but I still stink at it. Someone once told me that when you constantly deny other’s help, it’s squashing the gifts that God has given them. Bam. Lesson learned. I do much better if someone just TELLS me they are going to do something instead of asking because then I don’t have an opportunity to say no! I know I shouldn’t struggle with this as much as I do, but I’m a slow learner, folks. As hard as it is to allow people into our lives, allowing others to help, creates this deeper community in such a unique way.
We have all been through hard times. Whether you are in the trenches right now, just came out of the trenches, or feel the trench is coming soon, let me tell you, GOD IS FAITHFUL. Does he always answer our prayers the way we want him to? No. Do I struggle with praying for healing because I’m not sure if that’s what God wants for me? Yes. I just want his desires to be mine and the only way I’m going to learn that is through those hard times. And the best thing we can do is remain faithful to him because in him, we have everything we will ever need.
