29 & So Much More

29 years.Hard to believe it has been 29 years since the day I was born. I remember lying bed as a kid thinking about what life would be like close to 30. I imagined myself being married, in ministry and having a family of our own. Oh those dreams you have as a kid! Hard to believe that I am actually living in my 29th year now! I know I say this often, but is totally not the life I expected to have – BUT. I wouldn’t trade it.

Do you ever sit and wonder what it would be like to have some time to yourself? Some time to just be? If you are a parent, maybe some time in just peace and quiet? I remember when life was SO BUSY and I dreamed of a time I could just sit and crochet an afghan or just sit and make cards. Well, to be quite honest, I have that time now.

Yet.

I still find myself wanting something more. What that is, I am not 100% sure. But today as I was doing my devotional reading, I realized that it is something wrong with me. What happened to just being okay with today? What happened to just letting go of the worries of tomorrow? What happened to being content with sitting and crocheting or reading a book? As I was talking about the different seasons of life yesterday, God gently reminded me of that again today. “It’s okay Kristin. It’s okay to be in a time of rest. It’s okay to shed a tear because I’ve got you in a time of rest.” During this rest, my yearning for Christ has only increased. A striving that I can’t always put into words, but a striving that desires to be like HIM. I don’t say that in an arrogant sense, but in a strivING – haven’t gotten there yet! God has shown Himself in ways I never knew Him before. It has taken me 29 years to realize my increasing need for Him. It has taken many life events to make me recognize who God is to me. And when I look at our life through those lenses, I am thankful for God’s protective care in our life.

I am not going to say “I have” because I haven’t “arrived” there yet. But, I will say I am learning what it means to simplify life. I am learning what it means to be content; no matter what the circumstance. I am learning what it means to be a servant of Christ – and thankfully God is giving me the grace to keep learning :). I am learning what it is like to live with 2 children in Heaven. I am learning what it means to move forward with the experiences God has given us.

I was finally able to get the picture of the other gift from my aunt downloaded. Here are the words:

The Reunion Heart
Since Heaven has become

your home I sometimes feel

I’m so alone; and though

we now are far apart you

hold a big piece of my heart.

I never knew how much

I’d grieve when it was time

for you to leave, or just how

much my heart would ache

from that one fragment

you would take.

God lets the tender hole

remain reminding me we’ll

meet again, and one day all

the pain will cease when He

restores this missing piece.

He’ll turn to joy

my every tear with thoughts

of you I hold so dear, and

they’ll become my special

way to treasure

our Reunion Day.

So as I head into another year (the 29th year to be exact), I am so eager to see what God is going to teach me and where He is going to lead us. I trust that He already has a place for us and is preparing that place for us. Until then, I am going to continue to rest and seek God’s presence and will for my life. Sometimes it scares to think about what God might all teach me in this coming year b/c 2012 was a doozy, but God has remained ever faithful to me and I want to say “right back at ya God.” I want to be that faithful servant that He is calling me to be. Praising God for His grace and understanding that I am a work in progress :).

(Hard to believe that next year I will be talking about being 30! Yikes!)