Grieving Takes Time

I am currently reading through the Bible in a year, chronologically. Do I believe in coincidence? No.

Today’s reading started in 2 Corinthians.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 says:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

I had to sit and think on this passage today. When I was reading it, I wondered okay, if God is the God of all comfort, then why is there still so much sadness going on in us at times? But when I thought about God being the God of all comfort, it doesn’t mean that there will never be trouble or hardship. BUT. When there is, God is there to comfort.

I have learned through this grieving process, that it is unique. There is no “right” way to grieve. It has taken me a long time to realize that (I know, I may be a little slow at some things). You’d think having my social work degree I would realize this sooner. But when you are going through it yourself, you start to compare yourself to other people. Not necessarily anyone in particular, but you start to wonder “is this normal? Am I still supposed to be feeling sad about this?” I think obviously there is a point when one can become depressed and unable to move forward. That is when help is needed. Dan and I are not there, by God’s grace. But I am learning that grief is something you can’t just get over. Dan and I will never “get over” our kids – though they are just a memory, that memory will always be with us. When I was going through my “having a hard time going out on my own” issue, I think some people didn’t know what to say or do. Honestly there was nothing for anyone to do. It just takes time. And I’ve learned that it was okay. It still is. I may not be able to explain myself, but nor do I have to.

Grief just takes time.

Sometimes I still get a little nervous going out, but I am getting there. I don’t think there is a timeframe that says “you must be okay to go out on your own at THIS point.” I think it’s different for everyone. That is why God is the God of all comfort. HE is the only one that can provide true comfort – even though it may not mean protection from the hardships of life. But what He does promise is that when they do come, He WILL comfort. And in that comfort, we can then in turn help others who may go through a similar situation.

I have learned that no situation is ever the same nor does grieving ever look the same. No one will ever be able to understand the love you have for that person you lost, except YOU. No one will ever be able to have that relationship that you had with that person, other than YOU. So when people say I know exactly what you feel like or keep it all in perspective because others have gone through the same, though those are well-intended thoughts, there isn’t much comfort in them. No one will ever understand your love for them because it was UNIQUE.

Yes, God put us all on this earth TOGETHER. To build community and love amongst each other. But in that, we all need to recognize that we are all uniquely created. We all uniquely deal with situations differently. Like the verse says, situations create “patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.” I don’t think that means we will all go through the exact same struggles, but we all learn together, how to get through them together. And like verse 7 says, “just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.” I think that means understanding where people are at, comforting and walking alongside of them, but refraining from expectations of where you think they should be in the grieving process.

Grieving is such a touchy subject. I will be the first to say that I am sure it’s awkward to even know what to say to us :). I’m not even sure what I would say to us :). But, rest assured that grieving takes time. I think Dan and I are in a healthy place – are we still grieving? Yes. This past weekend was hard. But that is grieving. Gotta roll with the punches! But I think if we weren’t rolling, we would be “stuck” and that is not a good place to be either. But God has given us such comfort with His Word. HIS WORD. To think that when the Bible was written, He KNEW this would happen to us – not that He wrote those specifically for Dan and Kristin, but He knew His words would bring comfort. To think that many years ago, He knew those words would offer hope and compassion from our Father.

Ah, don’t you just love God? To think that He is all-knowing. Even before we were created, He knew the struggles we were going to go through. That is why His Word is applicable no matter WHAT situation you are going through!