The Last Time

Last night was the final night we spent in our house. We are officially moved out. We have a few more hours of work there on Monday, but it is empty. Yesterday was the first day it hit me. We have been so busy packing everything up, that I haven’t had much time to think about it – but as the house was getting emptier and emptier, so did my heart. We keep talking about how many memories we have there – our first home. A place we loved to do ministry in. A place where we have laughed and cried. A place that we have created to be our home. A place that we have to say goodbye to. I know moving is not a new thing, but I just feel like this is the last step in the “loss” process and it’s a toughy. Tonight before I left, I just fell on my knees, in tears, and just prayed – thanking God for filling our home, for teaching us, but I also just had to tell God that it was hard. And I know He knows. He had to leave HEAVEN to come and die – a place of perfection and a place with His Father. He came to this world so that we may have life and have a PERMANENT residence in Heaven as well. Dan and I are excited to see where God leads us – we know God is preparing us for something. And, we are so blessed to be living with Dan’s parents. They have been so generous in letting us invade their home! Our parents have been so wonderful! If we ever become parents, I hope we are half as good a parents as they are! My parents too, have been so generous and loving through this all! Both have called often to just check in, and just see how we are doing. We love their love!

While we were on our retreat, I had read a few books and this passage came up a few times –

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says: Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

We will NOT lose heart! At times we act as if we are – we feel so worn out! But we know that Christ renewing us – day by day. God has a desire to work on us – He cares enough to DAILY renew us. The troubles we have, ARE momentary. At times they feel far from momentary – but we know that the chiseling God is doing, will achieve that eternal glory. Our permanent address in Heaven. Dan said today “man, we will soon be homeless.” Yes, maybe an earthly homelessness – but we know that the lives we live now, are for our Heavenly home someday. I can’t wait! I can’t wait to see our little babies – though I’m thinking they won’t be babies by the time we get there! My mom came down this past Wednesday and we were talking about Heaven. She said she wondered who was rocking our children? My grandparents? My cousin who had passed away at a young age? It brings me to tears thinking about that because we want to be the ones rocking them, but what a COMFORT it is to know that those two little ones have a HUGE family up there, taking care of them. It truly brings such peace to think about that – that they are hanging out with God. What joy!

So Dan and I continue to fix our eyes on what is unseen – have still have NO CLUE what our future holds. Where we will be living. Where we will be working. What we will be doing. Sometimes we just want to shout to God “what next?” But He has not revealed that yet. And honestly, it’s okay. It feels good to just be in this lull – we’ve been in lulls before, and we know that every time we think we have a lull, God does something huge and changes that quickly. So we’ll see what God has in store!

As we continue to prepare our house to be rented, we know that this is one of the last things in the loss process (hopefully). But we have not lost faith. We have not lost hope. We continue to walk in faith.