A Lamp To My Feet

Psalm 119:105 – Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

That verse sums up how God used His Word to encourage us this past week and a half.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says:
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Many times Dan and I mentioned how we just don’t feel “raw” anymore. It is because of God’s GRACE. To think that God’s power is made PERFECT in weakness – that His power is made perfect for ME! How can I NOT be glad and delight in weakness and hardship? To know that God is working in ME? That He chose to work in ME? Wow, I am humbled. Trust me, it has taken me a week or two to get that. But in my heart I always knew God has our best interest. We don’t understand still, why God would take our children – but really, they are not ours in the first place. When we can consciously keep reminding ourselves that God knows what He is doing, can we only find comfort. Oh how we would LOVE to hold our children right now. Oh how we would LOVE to be sitting on our couch dreaming of a life with them. We do not have that anymore. But what we do have, is our relationship with God – we DO have eternal life with Him. We know that all of this is worth it because His grace will be sufficient. His power will REST on us. We have felt that. And when we are weak, then we will be strong. We can already feel God’s power overwhelming us! Praise God!

James 4:14-15
14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”

Oh do I struggle with this passage! Oh do I struggle. Why? Because I feel that last part is such a fine line – when do you dream? I 100% believe that we are to always say “if it’s the Lord’s will” – but boy oh boy did we think we were going to hold those two babies. Did we let ourselves dream too much? I look back and know that we truly did our best to give the whole gestational carrier process up to God – we prayed so fervently for God to guide us and to just live expectantly as Brenda often said. In saying that, I am not saying that didn’t do a good ENOUGH job, so God took them away. I don’t believe in a God like that – God is a good God. But is God working to teach us something? Oh yeah! And I already have seen Him work in us.

When we were going through all the struggles of whether or not to do embryo adoption, we knew God was leading us to be willing to give up our children. Little did we know He was preparing our hearts to give up our “own” children. It was not a mistake that we went down the road of embryo adoption. We know it caused a lot of issues, yet we know that it was exactly the road God wanted us to go down. He introduced that opportunity to us for a reason and we know we did the best we could to follow His will. We don’t always understand it, but we know one of the reasons God led us down that road was to prepare our hearts for losing our own. More than ever, do I believe nothing is ever “ours.” As Heidelberg Catchecism says “I am not my own, but belong BODY and soul, to my faithful Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” I am plainly not my own. Even my children. I know that is a source of debate, but God can take them at any point He wants and I just cannot hold on too tightly to something. I just have to surrender all.

All that to say…we don’t know what our life is going to look like tomorrow. Tonight. In the next minute. How humbling. A few weeks ago, those thoughts scared me. But Dan and I are at peace that we are in GOD’S hands. He is taking care of us like He is taking care of our little children. So if it is the Lord’s will that we have children someday, then so be it. Until then, we will live with two children in Heaven. It is so hard to not wish things were different – we often say “but it’s not supposed to be that way.” Well, actually, it is. It is how God has allowed it to be. It has been the Lord’s will.

Now we get to just live in peace.

I don’t remember where I read this…

REDISCOVER A MIRACLE EVERY MORNING.

Breathe a sigh of relief. We can’t worry about tomorrow! We can just look forward to the miracles God is going to show us! Those miracles may even come in the way of weaknesses and hardships. Two little babies are miracles. The fact that they are now in Heaven is a miracle – solely because Christ has risen from the dead. Daily, I am excited to see what miracle God has in store for us! Are you living each day knowing God will perform miracles for you?

Praising God for His Word and how it truly has been a lamp to my feet!