All We Need

Today was one of those up and down days. Through the sadness though, we were able to see that God gave us all we needed for TODAY.

Dan took a walk and the first thing he says when he walks in the door is “Kristin, we aren’t supposed to worry because God will give us everything we need for the day. We aren’t supposed to worry about tomorrow because today God has given us what we needed.” Little things happened on that walk for Dan and it was a perfect representation of that – that God DOES provide. God does show Himself in so many ways – we just have to keep our eyes open.

Tears still come. We spent some time crying together today, but it just feels so good to be able to do it together! We received some absolutely beautiful cards today that touched us both and again, God gave us all we needed to be sustained for today. Who knows about tomorrow – but we trust that God will (and we know He will), provide all we need.

In one of the cards we read today, these verses were written:

God IS renewing us day by day. Though it’s hard to keep this as the focus, we know that it’s our old selves that need ridding of, to be able to put on the new, which we know Christ is doing in us. The troubles we are going through are momentary. The memories will always be there, but we know we are living for eternal glory. That is why they are momentary. Heaven will be our reward. We can’t see what is ahead. Oh do we wish we could! Each day just seems like it has so much going on and so much to think about. We often say “well if we knew where we were going to be and what we would be doing…” but where would faith come in then? There would be no need for it. What is unseen is eternal – what we are striving for will be worth it in the end.

All that doesn’t mean that this road has been easy and that in moments of struggle we just say “whatever.” Far from that. We still are so sad (can’t think of a better word). We still can’t believe our children are with God. We still can’t believe all this has happened at once. We definitely still have our moments. But God has been making each day easier. Honestly it is hard to say that b/c so much of us just wants to stay back in the timeframe of when we had our children. But God is moving us forward – there is no stopping God. We are learning what it is like to live with two children in heaven. It still breaks our hearts terribly. We always said we wanted to be earthly parents – we hope that God has something else in store for us. But if He doesn’t with regards to having children, we know He will sustain and lead us forward.

It has been one week since we saw that ultrasound. The sights are so vivid in our minds. The words are etched in. We can’t get them out. The emotions of the day forever changed us. Though, we are different people already. Definitely more emotional, but stronger, though we are still so weak. I can honestly say, that God is working hard on us. That chiseling process seems a bit much at times, but in many ways, we have grown. Part of us just wants to just go back so bad, but that is not reality. God is our reality and our reality is that our Hooties are in heaven. By the way, can I just say that since telling the story of Hootie 1 and Hootie 2, that people are telling us that they see owls all over the place? That gets me SO EXCITED. When people let me/us know that they think of Hootie 1 and Hootie 2 when they see owls, makes our hearts leap for joy. We don’t want people to forget about them because we are hanging on to them so tightly still. I feel if I see an owl I will start to cry, but they really are a beautiful thing. So are children of God.

A few days ago a friend of mine sent me the lyrics/link to the song Glory Baby by Watermark. My friend had experienced a miscarriage and found much comfort in this song. I can see why. Grab a tissue…but how powerful the words are!

Glory Baby

Glory baby, you slipped away
As fast as we could say baby,
baby
You were growing, what happened dear
You disappeared on us baby,
babyHeaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you
safe
Until we’re home with you
Until we’re home with you

We miss
you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there’s a day when we will
hold you, we will hold you
And you’ll kiss our tears away, when we’re home to
stay
We can’t wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But
baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you
You’ll just
have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Before we
do

Sweet little baby, it’s hard to understand it
‘Cause we are
hurting, we are hurting
But there is healing, and we know we’re stronger
people
Through the growing, and in knowing

All things work together
for our good
And God works his purposes
Just like he said he would
Just
like he said he would

We miss you everyday, miss you in every
way
But
we know there’s a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you’ll kiss
our tears away, when we’re home to stay
We can’t wait for the day when we
will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom
and dad can hold you
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have
heaven before we do

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
And what they
must sound like
But I will rest in knowing
Heaven is your home
And it’s
all you’ll ever know
All you’ll ever know

We miss you everyday, miss
you in every way
But we know there’s a day when we will hold you, we will
hold you
And you’ll kiss our tears away, when we’re home to stay
We can’t
wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet
Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you
You’ll just have heaven before
we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Yeah, you’ll just have heaven
before we do
Before we do