Belize It Or Not

Before I get into Friday, I want to talk a little bit more about Thursday.

On Thursday morning, Pastor Betson wanted to serve us, so he made us breakfast – it consisted of fry jacks (fried bread dough and they are AMAZING), egg scramble, and fresh fruit. Talk about filling the stomach for the DAY!

Here are a few stories from Thursday. God had all these divine appointments set up for us – all we had to do was walk into them. As I said before, when we went to the Burial Grounds, we took beans and rice, along with New Testaments, and went from door to door, just spreading the Word. I had never gone door to door, spreading the gospel before. I was a little intimidated at first because I was worried about how people would respond (but that means I was putting it all on myself and not allowing God to work in and through us). Once I put aside my own fear and just said what God put on my heart, it was life-changing. The first few houses didn’t have anybody home, but then we stopped at a house where the woman only spoke Spanish. It was hard to know what to say, but we just gave her beans and rice. God gave us the words. Her around 6 year old daughter came to her side and started to translate. Dan and I had told her that we would like to pray for her (Rosalia). Well, Rosalia started to pray for US! Granted it was in Spanish so I only caught little bits and pieces, and maybe it was lost in translation that WE wanted to pray for HER, but it was a very humbling experience. Here we were there to encourage her, but we walked away feeling encouraged. I look back at that situation and know God knows the prayers that went up and our heart’s desire – even though it may have all gotten lost in translation.

We went to a few more houses and many said they believed in Christ, which we rejoiced in. As ready as we were to spread the gospel, obviously we were more joyful to celebrate with those who believed. It just made me think about what heaven will look like someday! Somehow Dan and I split up and when I caught back up to him, he was talking to a man named Sylvan. He called himself a rastafari – so picture LONG dreads and dreads in his beard (with beads). He struggled with alcoholism and had never really understood who Jesus was. Dan started to explain to him what our Savior came to do (showed him John 3:16) and Sylvan just wanted more and MORE. He couldn’t get enough of the Bible. He wanted Dan to mark up the New Testament so that he could find it again. We ended up praying for him and asked God to relieve him of the alcoholism that was controlling his life. It was awesome to see God turning the wheels in Sylvan’s head! God knew Sylvan would be hungering for the Word and we just pray that He sustains that in him.

I then saw two guys (around our age) standing by a fence, so I asked Alex to come with me. I asked them if they have heard of Jesus and they said they did and knew they were forgiven and believed. It was hard to always understand them, but we gave them each a Bible. I asked them if there was anything we could pray for them for, and one of them said that he had a court case on Monday (this past Monday). I asked him if he could tell me what for and he pulled out his cell phone and showed me a picture of a gun. I decided to not ask why the gun and just left it. It just made me realize how this is “life” for these guys. I prayed that he would be honest and that God would guide him. It’s hard to know what to pray for when I didn’t exactly why, but at the same time, you can always pray that someone would follow God’s leading so that’s what I did. I often found myself without words – but I just trusted that God knew the desires of my heart (and He does!). I became more thankful for that reality of who God is – that He KNOWS EVERYTHING.

Then there was Natasha.

There was a man knocking down some wood and I could tell he wanted to talk. So, Dan and I went over there with some beans and rice. It was a short conversation…as we were walking away, a young woman came running from behind the house we were just at. We asked her if she would like some beans and rice and emphatically she said yes. I asked her if she believed in God and she said she had gone to a Bible study, but wasn’t really involved in church at the moment. I asked her a few questions about life, relationships, etc. and she said she has 3 children 8, 7, and 1, and one of the fathers was killed last year. She started to cry huge tears. We could tell they were coming from deep within. I gave her a big hug and just did NOT want to let go. You could tell she was hurting. She was looking for love, but I think she struggled with looking for it in the wrong places. She is young. She is absolutely beautiful. My heart just broke. I asked her if we could pray for her and so I just started to pray. I have no idea what I said. God knew and that is all that mattered. We started to walk away and I just LOST it. I could not hold it in anymore. There was something about Natasha that just changed my life. Dan knew there was something special about her too. I kept telling Dan we need to do more, we need to do more. He thought of the grand idea of giving her more beans and rice. So, we grabbed two more bags (b/c she had 3 children at home) and power walked back to her home. To get there, we had to hop across some stones, tip toe on some tin, and jump over mud. I just kept thinking “this is what she has to live in?” We saw her mom sitting there and we asked if Natasha was home. She came running out. We told her that we had more beans and rice and she just had a smile from ear to ear. Her mom handed me Natasha’s 1 year old daughter Jonelli – she was ADORABLE! She was a chunker :). She was eating a juicy orange while dripping all over herself (and me), but I didn’t care – I just wanted to hold her and never let go! She just let me hold her – as content as can be. Natasha and her mom felt bad that they were holding us back, but we didn’t care. We told them how beautiful and friendly they were. We told them we will be praying for them. Then we realized we should probably get going. I did NOT want to leave. As we tip-toed our way back to the truck, I jumped in the back seat and just BAWLED. Natasha is one of the reasons we went to Belize. I cannot get her face out of my head and most importantly, out of my heart. I want Natasha to stay there in my heart. Dan feels the same way. When I got back in the truck, I was looking for this “miraculous” thing that happened with her and it was nothing “special.” But it was special because God used her face to change us. I was looking into the face of a single mother of 3, whose living situation couldn’t get much worse, yet who desired love. Dan said “I would love to just find her, her knight in shining armor, who would love her for who she is.” Natasha was a reminder to us that we never know whom we may meet in a given day, but one person can change a life – she changed ours (through God’s sovereign plan). Yes, we may have influenced her, but God used her to change us. To break us. To have our hearts cry for her. For her situation. To have our hearts cry for the day when Christ comes again. To have our hearts cry for the day when this world will be made anew.

I think of Natasha everday. I wish I had a picture of her. I pray that if (WHEN) we go back to Belize, I will be able to go visit her. I had no way of keeping in contact with her (I asked), but I just have to let it go. I felt guilty about not being able to do more. But it was at that moment I just had to let her go – give her over to God. God knows what she needs and He will take care of her. I told her I will pray for her everyday. When I said that I knew that that was a big commitment, but I am committed to it.

Dan and I are thankful that God introduced us to Natasha. She represents so many feelings and sights that we saw in Belize. Feelings and sights of brokenness, while their faces radiate beauty.

That night, we drove around downtown Belize, looking for homeless people. There was an area we went to on Wednesday where homeless people were staying for the night, so we headed back there. We bought bread from a local Belizean who made bread for a living. We then bought a big block of cheese and cut it up and gave them all a piece of bread and cheese. I realized that this was probably the only food they would receive that day. In fact, we drove around the corner and saw a bunch of guys sleeping in a gazebo type structure. One of the homeless men that we had given bread to earlier, ran over and woke up all the guys, shaking them, to make sure they got bread and cheese as well. Those guys jumped RIGHT up because for them too, this was probably their only meal. It was hard to see. It was quite cold Thursday night (yes, even for a Northerner) and a guy didn’t have shoes. We were looking for a spare to give him, but we only had these rubber boots to give him – but he was so thankful for them. This taught us that next time, come with shoes, a sweatshirt, and just extra clothes b/c you never know what they may need.

That night I had a hard time sleeping because I was cold, but I was thankful for it. I layed awake thinking of the people we had met that day. I layed awake thinking about Natasha. I layed awake not wanting to leave. Thursday will always be written on my heart. Dan and I both knew after Thursday, we were never going to be the same. God broke our hearts in ways we had never experienced before. I almost didn’t want the day to end. I knew going back to America, was going to be hard, and it has been. I think of the Sylvans and the Natashas of this world. What can I do to help?

The answer to that question, I continue to wrestle with. God is working on this heart of mine and I just get more and more eager to share about our experiences in Belize, as time goes on.