How to be a Saver When the Other is NOT

Finances.

Money.

Saving.

Spending.

Just by saying these words, an evil glare from your husband or wife may cause a quarrel right then and there. Money is the #1 thing that couples fight over. I can see why!

We all don’t think the same!

Who would’ve thought, right? When you get married, all of a sudden you are expected to “be of one mind.” Really, that is quite a challenge and it takes a lifetime to master (though has anyone ever mastered it?)

Typically there is one who is a saver and one who is a spender. How do you combine the two? Most solve this by arguing until one gets their way. Maybe not the best solution, but for some, this is how they have lived their whole married life.

It is time for a change!

There are simple ways to combine these two different schools of thought, without starting a “discussion” every time!

1. Figure out WHY. This may take some patience, but try to listen to where the other person is coming from. Ask them why they are a saver – what are they saving for? Ask them why they are a spender – why do they feel they need to spend? Don’t defend or argue. Just LISTEN.

2. Ask each other how they grew up. Were their parents savers or spenders? Were their parents keepers or throw-a-way-ers? This determines whether or not you have a cluttered house or simplified house (which can often reflect the saver vs. spender idea too).

3. If you are looking to gain some common ground, here are a few ideas:

• Keep a spending log (individually or together). You could just use your bank statement and write the initials or color code by person. This determines who is spending what and where.
• Ask each other (in a kind and gentle way) if each highlighted item was needed. This is where it can get tricky because the whole concept of needs vs. wants is difficult.
  • My husband and I have really tried to work on this. We both have our hobbies. His is fishing and mine are DIY projects (scrapbooking, sewing, crocheting, etc.). It is easy to keep obtaining all of these “products” to do our hobby, but how often do we actually USE them? My husband’s was lures. There are a bazillion different types of lures out there! He came to the conclusion that really, everyday you could use a different lure and you could probably still catch fish. You just never know what they are going to bite. Everyday I could use a different colored yarn, but accomplish the same project. Was it worth all the clutter? We decided together, NOT SO MUCH. It was hard to get to that point, but so worth it in the end!
• Allowance. Sounds like we are right back in our 7-year-old life, right? Really, allowances as adults are important too. If you struggle to save or even spend for that matter, allowing yourself a cushion can be healthy. You and your husband/wife have to determine an amount TOGETHER.
• If you are looking to buy a bigger ticketed item, ask the other person first. This prevents you from buying impulsively and also helps you decide together what is best and how to spend your money wisely.
• Set up online banking/credit card accounts. This way, you are accountable to each other! My husband refuses to carry a credit card (I realize I am blessed!). Reason being? He calls them “dangerous.” He knew if he carried one, he would just keep charging and charging. I handle our finances so each time he buys something with his debit card, he has to give me a receipt (which is his way of being held accountable). If doesn’t want the guilty feeling of handing me a receipt for something he knows he shouldn’t have bought. This makes me sound like a slave driver, but this was his OWN CHOICE. Again, yes, I am very thankful for his mindset! He knows his boundaries and I support him 100%!
• Decide how much you want to save in a given month. This also can include your retirement funds as well. Decide on an amount and stick with it – no ifs, ands, or buts!
• Compromise. I saved this one for last, not because it is the least important, but because it is the one you always have to remember in the end. You will not always agree. That is the truth. Be willing to give a little and your spouse will as well!

Don’t let your differences keep you separated or at each other’s necks all of the time. Let your differences bring you closer by working together to become “of one mind.” It is a process, but the process is worth it! In the end, you will be able to just enjoy each other and not be held back by the things that separate you!