Describing the Unexplainable

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Think back to a time when you had to make a LOT of decisions. In fact, the thought of making decisions, was overwhelming.

Sometimes we feel like that – when we let our minds get overwhelmed. Though we often find, when we just trust God, those decisions fall right into place because God has already made it.

I have often thought of what I could compare our situation to, to make it “real” for people. I asked Dan last night if he knew a good analogy we could use so that we could say embryo adoption is like “this.” He said analogies always miss something. He is so right. Today at work though, I was thinking how else we could describe our hearts to people. I thought about marriage.

Not that embryo adoption and marriage are remotely close. They are probably on two opposite ends of the spectrum. If you have ever been in love, or think you found “the one,” you start to get all giddy, and run your mouth a mile a minute. You try to explain to your friends or family this “love” you have for this person. You give them examples. You say “it’s like this…” You try to find words to describe that feeling. You try to explain “that love.” And in trying to explain it, you just feel you botch it, feeling as if “they will never understand what I am talking about – all I know is that he is the one.” I remember telling people about Dan and I could list all these characteristics about Dan that I just adore. I could tell them what he does, what he enjoys, and how he loves me. But love is something that is unexplainable. It’s a feeling. It’s a mutual trust. It’s a confidence that THIS is right. That what God has given you, is an irreplacable gift. even though it’s hard to put into words, you feel so confident.

That is what we feel like with embryo adoption. It’s this “thing” that we feel SO confident and sure about. We could spend days telling you why we feel so confident that this is what God wants us to do at this time. Yet, we feel no matter how we describe it, we won’t do it justice. Imagine someone asking you question after question about that future husband of yours, and you try to tell them the right answer, but you just can’t find the right words to describe to that person why you feel he is the right one. That is how we feel with embryo adoption. Just as marriage is a leap of faith, this too, takes the faith to make the leap. We understand that embryo adoption is an “uncomfortable” thing for many people. Again, we will be the first to say we understand. It took us 9 months to get to where we are today. But then again, like in marriage, you aren’t marrying your friend’s fiance – of course you won’t fully understand why your friend’s guy is Mr. Perfect. Because he wasn’t created to be Mr. Perfect for you. Much like this situation. God doesn’t call everyone to embryo adoption. Just as God does not call everyone to have only their biological children. So when people ask us questions, we understand that they are coming from such a different frame of reference.

So I realize that this analogy of marriage is obviously weak :), but maybe it gives you just a glimpse into what we are feeling. Our desire is to create enough embryos to give us the best opportunity/possibility for success to build a family of our own, with the hope that we are able to bless another couple with the same opportunity. We feel blessed to write that. To even think that we have the possibility of having a family of our own. But we feel even MORE blessed to possibly be able to help others achieve the same. Yeah it goes against the “norm.” But let’s be real – what is “normal” for the Sterks :)? There really is really any “normal” part of our being! And those who know us, would probably agree!!!!!

So we continue to walk in faith in making these decisions. Hebrews 11:1 says – Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Being CERTAIN is difficult. But that is something we have been STRIVING to live out in our faith. Being certain of what God has called us to. We are certain that God will change our hearts if He wants us to go a different way. And we live CERTAIN that God will not let go – that He will lead us exactly where He wants us to go – even if the road may be difficult. Not being able to see the future can be so frustrating, but I wouldn’t trade it for the faith God so graciously gives. We realize how FAR we have to go. We realize we have so much more we need to let go of in our life. We have selfish desires. But we know that we can be certain through FAITH.

So we continue to move forward and there is much more to come…