Gift of Motherhood
Motherhood.
A gift wrapped with unexplainable love for someone else, a love that is fostered in the tiniest of details, a patience that holds no limits, and a joy unexplainable.
Over the past, well, MANY years, I have often thought about what it means to be a mother. I always struggled with the question “do you have kids” because yes, we have two perfect and beautiful children in heaven. Yes, we also have relationships with kids where we love them deeply, being in youth ministry. I had come to the conclusion that in order to be a mother, it doesn’t mean the only way is to put people stickers on the back of your vehicle to represent living children in the home, and the dog of course.
Motherhood goes far beyond what our human minds often think or realize. It is a natural instinct, a gift born and nurtured at a very young age. When Mazy was born, I will be honest in saying that I was nervous! I did not have a lot of experience with newborns. I didn’t always know what to do when they started crying. I am not sure I ever changed a newborn’s diaper. In other words, this whole newborn thing was very new to me!
When I look back on the first 3 weeks of Mazy’s life, I sometimes wish I could have a redo of the first week. I am so thankful my parents were here to just be there. I know I was not well and now I can only wonder how that first week would have looked differently if I felt like Kristin, without all the heart complications. All I know is that little Mazy was so loved by our family and friends, and that her dad and the most amazing husband, loved her unconditionally.
Honestly, I remember thinking and wondering that first week if I could do this – this thing called motherhood. I was so overwhelmed. My emotions were a mess, my physical body a mess, and my mind a mess too because I do not remember much about that week. I just remember sitting in the rocking chair in Mazy’s room, in tears. I cried out to God, telling Him I just didn’t feel good and wondering if this is really how it’s supposed to be? That is when I realized that I just had to let people help. God taught me to let His people help. Let people step in and make meals, hold Mazy for awhile, clean, and even cut Mazy’s fingernails. I learned so much that first week and the lessons learned, I wouldn’t trade!
When I look at motherhood as a whole, outside of the circumstances that have made up the past few weeks, I realize it has been an experience that has been wholly satisfying, filled with contentment, and completely humbling. Motherhood has taught me that beauty is in the routine. Beauty is in the messes. Beauty is in the days that nothing is accomplished. Beauty is in the dirty clothes. I never knew I would love the smell of spit up on my clothes. I never knew how fast a day could fly by, when the only thing I really accomplished was staring into our daughter’s eyes. I never knew how much I would enjoy seeing a full laundry basket of Mazy Grace’s clothes. I never knew how much peace a sleeping baby would offer this mother’s heart.
I had no clue.
Motherhood and fatherhood has completely changed our lives. Has it always been easy, no. Has it been more than we ever imagined, yes! We look at Mazy Grace Sterk and feel a love for her that holds no bounds. Our hearts in love with a girl that is only just a few weeks old. Our lives forever changed by the amazing grace of God in our lives. Motherhood and even just the thought of the gift of motherhood, brings me to tears of thankfulness.
Days filled with the gift that we have been praying for, for so long, has given us an unspeakable joy. A gift that we have the privilege of unwrapping, daily. Each day, we savor every moment because we know her life is not in our hands, but in the arms of our Maker. What a blessing we have been given and what a gift motherhood has been.
We praise our Father and Creator of life, for the gift OF life!
