Life Update

It’s been a LONG time since I have given a life update! 

I don’t ever want to make this blog about me, but about what Christ is doing. For that is why I live, that’s why He still has me here, and that’s why I blog. In sharing life updates, it’s all about God because oh the wonders He has done. I say that humbly and undeservedly, and that’s why He deserves all the glory. For this is nothing we’ve have done, but ONLY HIM.

Dan and I will be married for 20 years in May! How can that even be? As we were reflecting on that number a few days ago, we concluded that the first 10 years went a bit slower, but still with an incredible number of ups and downs – losing the twins, moving states, starting new jobs, but oh for the better. And the last 10 years? A complete blur. Many of those years have been filled with survival. I know that sounds extreme, but a doctor’s appointment this week reminded of the intensity of what has happened over the past 10 years.

This week I had a virtual heart failure appointment. My doctor and I were reminiscing on what has transpired over the years and we were reflecting back on 2018-2019. I was getting tested to have a heart transplant, after having back-to-back open heart surgeries. Even typing that, is mind-boggling, as that is a transplant that I NEVER in my mind, thought I’d have growing up. But then lo and behold, 5 years later, I’d have a DIFFERENT transplant. A bone marrow transplant, due to being diagnosed with leukemia DURING a heart surgery. A transplant that would eventually save my life – a COMPLETE miracle of God. There was a reason I was becoming a candidate for a heart transplant – because my heart was so sick. And then God, in His miraculous power, healed my heart JUST enough, so that I could have a bone marrow transplant. And now I can declare…

I STILL WALK CANCER FREE.

I can’t even put into words what these past 20 years have entailed. Sometimes they make me cry, as I’m still trying to process all that God has allowed, while other times, I can’t help but scream words of joy of what God has done. Words just cannot express our gratitude for the grace God has shown our little family.

So what’s the life update, Kristin?

I am still cancer free.

My blood tests have been the best they’ve been in 10 years (for both cancer and heart failure).

I am in a holding-pattern with my heart. 

Our family is starting to experience “normalcy”, which I’m hesitant to say that word because experiences with heart failure and cancer never make your days normal again. Every day is such a gift.

We are starting to have conversations about things that don’t involve medical terms.

We are in contact with MY DONOR! 

SO MANY BLESSINGS that just make me cry typing this. If my keyboard was directly under my face, it would be doused with tears. I struggle typing this without getting emotional because we deserve none of this. It is ONLY GOD. 

So let me go a bit deeper.

I am 2 years post-transplant and the risk of the cancer reoccurring is significantly less. I was FINALLY able to find out who my donor is, and we’ve been in contact ever since via text. Versus the handwritten letters we used to write for the past 2 years! I still have every single one of them. She is such a gift from God, such a beautiful person, and have LOVED getting to know her, even though we are thousands of miles apart. We pray one day we can finally meet! I now only have follow-ups every 6 MONTHS! I used to go in 3-4 times a WEEK. I can’t even believe I’m at this point. Again, only God’s grace!

As for my heart…I am constantly monitored via my ICD (I have to send weekly reports) and have routine appointments, but currently there are NO surgeries or procedures that need to be done! Not even a mention of one. WHAT?? Currently we are working on doing genetic testing to see if there is a gene that I carry that may have caused all of the issues I am having. Personally, I’m not too worried about it because God works FAR beyond our genes, but at the same time, if the data they gather from ALL the issues I’ve had, helps someone else, I am all for it! 

As for other appointments, I have routine testing done after my BMT to ensure that the chemo didn’t cause any other organ issues. I will say, as a woman, my BMT has completely altered my reproductive system (maybe TMI), but that is something that isn’t talked about as much with people who go through cancer. Not that we planned on having any more children, but that has been a “side effect” that not many people talk about. And that is something I WANT to walk with others through! As a woman, chemo kills off so much and alters your body’s chemistry, as do other medical procedures! Instead of walking alone, I desire to walk with others who have experienced the same. To think that my blood types my donor, is just INSANE to me! I am literally carrying her in my body. My fingerprints are still mine, but my blood? Completely hers. I can’t even wrap my mind around that, and I’m sure you can’t either! 

Finally, our family is starting to experience what life is like outside of survival. That sounds extreme, I know, but when I was talking to my social worker back in January, that “survivorship” piece is always there. We’ve lived in survival-mode for SO LONG, for so many years, that we aren’t sure what life is “supposed” to look like. But honestly, I am incredibly grateful for that – that I don’t know. I don’t want life to go back to the way it was. I don’t want our life to look like it did. I just want Jesus. I know that sounds over-spiritualized, but it’s true.

God allowed what He did, to change us. To better reflect Him. I don’t want to miss what He’s trying to teach us. I don’t want to miss our mission – and that’s HIM. And HIM alone. God has stripped us of so much, but He could’ve stripped us of oh, so much more. But He hasn’t. We deserve nothing, yet I feel like He’s given us everything. 

We just desire to live out the joy that can only be found IN HIM.

My friend, if you are searching. If you are wanting JOY back. If you are desiring something deeper, please email/message me. True HOPE and JOY can be found in no one and nothing else, but Jesus Christ. If you are searching, please tell me. But also know that everyday I fail. Everyday I need to keep running back to Him. But God, in His true mercy and grace, always welcomes me back. Again, if you don’t know Christ and are searching for true hope and joy, PLEASE message me. Even if you feel like you’ve been a Christian your whole life and still feel like something is missing, please message me. We are here for FAR greater purposes than our circumstances. We are here to live for HIM. 

So I end this with ultimate thanks to God. And also thanks to YOU. For continuing to walk with us. I think of that song by Crowder that says, “Looks like somebody prayed.” So many of you have been faithful in praying for our family. I know we aren’t out of the “woods” yet, but with my diseases, I don’t think we ever will be. But all our desire is, is to be a testament to what God can do. And we just pray in SOME way, that we can impact the Kingdom of God in the process. 

TO GOD ALONE, BE THE GLORY.