Fears and Purpose
Another great day folks! I was first blessed by having a tasty breakfast with some wonderful friends! Cleaned church, got groceries, ate lunch with Dan, headed to South Bend for some Christmas shopping (seeing how we don’t have many stores here in St. Joe), catching up on some household chores, then heading to the homelands for a Christmas party! AND…I got through most of the day so far without thinking of “what could’ve been.” I know that all sounds so cheesy, but that is seriously SUCH a huge step for me! When people ask me how I am doing, I can finally say good!
Everyday, yes EVERYDAY, I think about my purpose here. I know I talk about that a lot, but that is one thing God is teaching me. What IS my purpose here? What is YOUR purpose here? Think about that. Do you think about all the mundane tasks in life, the craziness of life, trying to catch your breath life? Do you feel you are constantly running from one place to another, forgetting what you are on this earth for? Just because I think about my purpose doesn’t mean I live that out perfectly everyday. Just the fact that I have to reflect on it shows that I don’t. God has really helped me change my focus in life – that life is NOT ABOUT ME. God can take everything away in my life if He wanted to, yet He still EXPECTS me to give Him glory! He can take away the ability to have our own kids and He expects me to continue to follow Him – even though He knows it’s hard. He can take away the desire to have our own kids and He wants me to continue to live for Him, even in all the hurt. Every person has trials, challenges, and hardships – they are all so unique. But God continually asks us to humbling serve Him, DESPITE our circumstances.
To be honest, I have fears. I have fears about the future. I fear that my heart will get worse (even though it already has). I fear what is next – is it more hard times? I fear I will have bad days again. I fear that I will get pregnant, causing a life/death situation. I fear that immensely! BUT…with all these fears, God has His hand in them all already. I try to be “heart-healthy” but ultimately God is in control. We try the best we can to not get pregnant, but we can only do so much – I suppose I could have a hysterectomy, but we feel that is a drastic path at this point. God is the CREATOR of new life.
So how does having fear relate to my purpose? That my purpose here is to serve God through the thick and thin. Through my fears, I need to continue to reflect His image. Through my fears I need to trust and obey His Word. Through my fears, I need to fall on my knees and surrender them all.
What fears are holding you back from God fulfilling His purpose through you? What fears are keeping you from serving Him? I ask these questions not because I know the answers or that I can even say that have gotten rid of my fears. I have not. It’s a process. God is continually working in me to help me conquer those fears so that I can better serve Him. But these are just a few questions that God has brought into my heart and I can’t wait til I fully wash myself clean of those fears! I praise God for His grace that He shows me each and everyday!
