Graduation & Youth Ministry

I decided to switch up the topics a little bit and talk about some of the things I learned at the Youth Ministry Conference back in March. I know, it was a long time ago, but I have been reflecting on the summer and the importance of hanging out with our kids. While pondering, I was drawn back to a seminar I had sat in on with Kara Powell of Fuller Youth Institute (she is also a professor at Fuller). So, all of this information is from Kara, with some of my reflections intertwined.

We just had 7 seniors graduate. Guess what the statistic is for those who don’t feel equipped with their faith that prepared them for college – 6 out of 7. Yup! That is what research says. That is why it is so vital to start working on the faith of MIDDLE schoolers! And get this…40-50% of students will drift from their faith 18 months after graduation. Stunning I thought! So 3 or 4 of our seniors that just graduated will statistically drift from their faith. That almost makes me cry. This is all while 80% intend to STAY in the faith, though they end up drifting. So, who’s face will we “let go” of?

Kara had a great illustration for us. She showed us a dot-to-dot. Remember doing those? She said that each dot represented an issue (ex: peer pressure, homework, drugs, drinking, friends). In the whole dot-to-dot, where is Jesus? Is he the #1 on the dot to dot? Where do they start? What is their basis or beginning? Of course we would hope it is the #1 that is Jesus because that means that as they connect all these dots, they know that they started with Jesus and He will lead them to the end. But what if they start somewhere else? Interesting thought process I thought! So if kids don’t start college with Jesus as their #1 on their dot-to-dot of life, then where are they going to end up?

So how do we reach kids then, to ensure that they do not just become another statistic? This does not surprise having been involved with youth ministry for awhile now, but PARENTS are the #1 INFLUENCE in a kid’s life! That means they are more of an influence than adults in church, adults in youth group, friends in youth group, and friends outside of youth group. PARENTS are #1. That is why Dan’s whole philosophy of youth ministry is called “Family-Based Youth Ministry.” It all starts at the family. We are a supplement so to speak. Guess where other adults in the church were listed as influence? LAST. That SHOCKED me – more or less because it saddened me. Really saddened me. Kara had a great example of what she called “Grandma’s House.” Growing up she (and my family was the same way), but there was a kid’s table and an adult table. Of course there was good reason for that. But is that how our churches should look too? Separated? Kara said “we have segregated students from their faith.” Interesting concept I thought! Personally I think it’s a hard topic and it’s a fine line – but nevertheless, I do agree with her though! Kara pointed out that the more students were involved in intergenerational worship before they graduated, the better they did in college. If students are involved in the life of the church, the more they will stick around. Really it’s not rocket science, but why do so many churches struggle with this?

Let’s just get the elephant out of the room I say – one of the biggest struggles I think for churches are the music style. What church hasn’t struggled with this? It goes both ways! I’m not saying one generation has to completely give in – but what are we doing when we squash the likes of another generation? What is that doing to the intergenerational church? Kara said relationships have to trump the music style. LOVE THAT! BOTH sides need to just “let it go.” Let the relationship take over – don’t let the music divide.

One thing Dan and I are really trying to do is build that intergenerational connection. It’s hard, I’m not going to lie. In the fall, we do what we call the “old folks dinner.” WE LOVE IT and our KID’S LOVE IT TOO. They usually have to talk the freshmen into it, but it is SUCH a blast! And you know if the kids love it, the older folks love it THAT much MORE! It is so beautiful. I love just standing back, watching the kids interact with the “grandmas and grandpas” of the church. Sheesh, it almost brings tears to my eyes just typing that. But that is what Dan and I hope for – for kids to see the beauty and wisdom of those older than them and realize that there is so much to learn from them. Think of the movie “UP!” I’ve blogged about that movie in the past (regarding a different aspect of the movie though). The older guy, though grudgingly, “adopted” the little guy (I forget their names). He kind of took him under his wing. That kid was SO influenced!

That is why it is so important for parents and grandparents to share about their faith – the good times and the bad times – it keeps your relationship real. If you are a parent, do your kids know how you became a Christian? Do your kids know how you are trying to make a difference in the kindgom of God? Parents are typically the ones to always ask their kids the questions – KIDS need to start to ask THEIR parents questions. But do we (yes, I am included in this), allow kids the time to ask us questions. Do we open ourselves up to them? Are we real? Some of the best conversations we have had with our kids is when we are just brutally honest with them and our life. There is a reason for that too – we allowed ourselves to be open. I say all this with complete conviction b/c this is something we are constantly working on too.

All I know is that I don’t want our kids to be a part of that 6 out of 7 statistic listed at the beginning of this blog. I want our kids to lower that statistic. But it is a challenge. But that is why we as youth leaders (Dan as a youth pastor) cannot do it all on our own. That is why it is so important to have an intergenerational church that IS and ACTS like an intergenerational church.

So…one last thing. You say, “I’m not a youth leader or a parent.” You may not be. BUT – that doesn’t mean you can’t have influence. Start to get to know the kids of the church. Start to get to know the older generation of the church. It takes time and it’s hard. But it’ll be worth every second because people remember that. People respond to love and relationships. Give it a try!