If It Was Easy, It Wouldn’t Require Faith – Heart Journey Update

I was walking into the cool, crisp air of Level 2, parking ramp P5, as God put these words in my head: If it was easy, it wouldn’t require faith.

What is your “it”? What is that one thing that God has allowed, that if taken away, would make your life easier? But if it was taken away, what would happen to your faith?

That is what I contemplated on the 2 1/4 hour drive home from the Cardiovascular Center (CVC) in Ann Arbor, Michigan. As I drove, I let the realities of my appointment sink in, and my emotions overwhelmed me. It is hard to put into words at times, all of the emotions and thoughts that come flooding in after an appointment. Especially after one that reminded me that I walk with an incurable disease.

I met with my new electrophysiologist, in hopes of being able to find some more solutions as to what to do with my numerous extra beats, that no med or procedure has been able to help for the long run. I went into the appointment with hopes and expectations, that just maybe, a breakthrough might occur. And when that breakthrough wasn’t expressed, it was very disheartening. As my doctor put it, “There are just no clear answers.” And that was the ONE thing we were praying for.

If it was easy, it wouldn’t require faith. I tried to keep that in the forefront while I processed everything, but it felt like another blow. Another shoe that dropped. My heart is believed to be misfiring every 5 beats, which causes side effects, fatigue, and shortness of breath. This is all while on an anti-arrhythmia med. It became obvious that the med was not working, so I have now gone off of it completely. In a few weeks, I will head back to Ann Arbor for another CT scan, ECHO, and holter monitor. There are definitely options for those who have arrhythmias and technology is advancing, but some of the newest procedures, aren’t deemed very safe, nor are they a guarantee to hit the extra beat that is causing the most issues for me. Not to mention, the risk would be high to try and attempt some of those procedures, including collateral and irreversible damage. Hard news to swallow.

We are now back to the drawing board when it comes to my extra beats. No longer are they located in one or two chambers, but are believed to be in all 4 chambers of the heart. This is what makes procedures difficult because what “misfiring area” do you go after? After the testing at the end of the month, if the doctor/surgeon believes he can get some of the spots, I might commit to another ablation. which I say that with hesitancy because my last one was a doozy. I told my doctor that I’m not sure I could do that again, but he assured me that this one would be a little different. Not necessarily a lot easier, but hopefully a smidge less intensive. They would not try and attack the area from both sides, but one. That alone, as I know from experience, will make it easier, but just the mere thought of succumbing myself to that type of pain again, it’s going to take some pep talks to myself. If that doesn’t seem like a viable option, I will go back on a medication that I was put on 2 times in the past, called amiodarone. One time it worked, the other time it stopped working after being on it for a little while. If on it for a long period of time, it can cause liver, lung, eye, and thyroid failure/damage. In other words, major organ damage. My goal is to try and make it til the end of the month before I have to go on it, but not sure if I’m going to make it that long. If I can’t, they will put me on the lowest dose of amio and then Lord-willing, I can stay on it for awhile. If it works. If it doesn’t, back to the drawing board, yet again.

I have to say though, I am continuously impressed with both of my heart teams at U of M. My new doctor spent about 1 1/2 hours with me that afternoon, which I was shocked. He continued to answer question after question, give me ALL of the options out there when it comes to procedures, including risks, successes, etc. I felt heard, I felt understood, and I walked out of there learning more than I ever expected. Michigan is huge on ensuring that patients feel educated about their medical issue and I would say, “Job well done, Michigan!”

If it were easy, it wouldn’t require faith. My faith was tested this week and this road is hard. As Dan and I said to each other, it just seems never ending and it feels like it’s one thing after another. But that is the reality of heart failure. And if it were easy, we wouldn’t be growing in the way God sees fit. While on the ride home, I turned the radio to a local Christian station and it was no mistake that the song, “Walk By Faith” was on. God brought me back to our wedding day, as this was our wedding song. In fact, this saying hangs above our bed as a gentle reminder daily, to walk by faith. Little did we know that this song would play such a vital role and reminder in our lives, almost 16 years later. My very Savior, orchestrating for that song to play the minute I turned the radio on. A sign of His grace, love, protection, sovereignty, and goodness.

Walk By Faith – Jeremy Camp

Would I believe You when You say
Your hand will guide my every way?
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day?

Well, I will walk by faith
Well, even when I cannot see
Well, because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Well, help me to rid my endless fears
You’ve been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah

Well, I will walk by faith
Well, even when I cannot see
Well, because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Well, I’m broken (broken)
But I still see Your face
Well, You’ve spoken (spoken)
Pourin’ Your words of grace

Well, I will walk by faith
Well, even when I cannot see
Well, because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me.

I’m not sure what the next few weeks and months will look like, especially after realizing we are running out of options. More of a “try this, try that” etc., but in reality, this isn’t new news. It’s been the news. And so we continue to walk by faith. Whatever your “it” may be, it may feel like old news time and time again. I am reminding myself of this daily – if it was easy though, it wouldn’t require faith. It’s a hard road. But let HIM be our vision, not our circumstances. Walk by faith.