Listen to the Sounds

Listening to the sounds.

While Dan and I were at Stony Lake, there were times that we wished we could’ve captured not only the sights of our surroundings, but also the sounds. I think of these moments as reminders that though God is invisible, He shows Himself all around!

God showed Himself in the:
– swans sailing through the sky, whipping their wings in the air.
– groups of geese flying to who knows where, talking as they try to form their flying V
– fish that were jumping all around us, except onto our hooks
– moon rising oh so brightly
– early morning fog that set over the lake amidst the sunrise
– seeing the northern lights the first night, while hearing the owls talk, which brought tears to my eyes – it was God’s gentle reminder that He was with us and is available as we retreated
– drinking of hot chocolate with the fireplace on, wrapped underneath a blanket, reading a book
– getting caught in the rain too many times while fishing
– being able to “fish” with our kids for the first time, though our memory of them is wrapped up in a picture frame of owls. We will never forget that “first time.”

Of course there were many more times that God tapped us on the shoulder and reminded us through some other way, that He was present and with us. Through all that has occured, I have felt very lonely at times because it’s so hard to express what we are feeling. But then I have days where the tears just flow and I have no idea why. I can’t explain it. I was fine. Then I start to think about something and my heart just aches. Dan and I keep talking about moving forward, but in the midst of attempting to do that, it’s purely faith that is getting us through. We can “move forward” but we have nothing to move forward to at this point – except to just move forward towards Christ. We don’t have any “thing” we are moving towards, except just a more intimate relationship with Christ.

While on our retreat, I read the book “Esther” by Chuck Swindoll. Wowzers, was that an excellent book! I would highly recommend it! I want to share with you what I learned, how timely the reading of that book was, and yes, this will be a long post! I am going to just share lines from the book and then comment on them.

God is moving just as much in the mundane as the miraculous – don’t limit where God can work.
How easily we do this! Dan and I were excited about the 9 month waiting period for our children to be born – to see the miraculous. So many women talk about the best miracle – the birth of their child. We won’t be able to experience that. BUT, that doesn’t mean God isn’t performing the miraculous in our life.

Isaiah 40:31 says:
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

A few things that WAITING does: 1. Helps you gain new strength. 2. Get a better perspective. 3. Store up energy. 4. Will deepen our determination to persevere. I so agree with these 4 things. Dan and I, I would say, are in a waiting period. We have gained new strength, yet hope we continue to gain more strength – we know that the time we have, is valuable and needed. It is helping us gain a better perspecitve – that was the value of our retreat. We are able to REstore our energy. And in all of this, we have no choice BUT to persevere!

God is not bound by time. God’s silence is significant – that’s when faith is needed. How refreshing to hear that! I sometimes have a hard time thinking about the future because all that I have been thinking about for the past year, has been about the opportunity to have our own kids. We truly felt we were giving God our all – surrendering all of ourselves to Him. At times I wonder if I didn’t give enough because of all that we have lost now. I am not saying that God is punishing us for not – what I am saying is that I had no idea God was going to ask us to give up so much more. Because God is not bound by time, then why do we worry so much about the timing of things? Is God silent in our life? Sometimes it feels like that – but He has given us rest.

Dan and I still struggle. We still struggle seeing baby items – we were at a store yesterday and Dan saw a hat that said “My first fishing hat” and I saw little baby clothing – we had to walk away because otherwise we were both going to lose it. There are still a lot of triggers, but I know that is okay. It just means our hearts loved deeply and that our heart’s desire was to hold our children. Someday, someday.

But we know that God has given us time. Time to just listen to the sounds of life. Time to listen to Him. It has been wonderful to just breathe and just walk by faith!