Oh The Beauty Of A Good Night’s Sleep

I remember lying in bed the night before Mazy was to be born (I was scheduled to be induced). I remember thinking “this” was the last night of sleep I would get before she was in our arms. A moment I will always remember, but a moment I never want back. – because having her here has been one of the biggest blessings we have ever received.

Even in those sleep-less (never went a night with completely NO sleep) nights, I wouldn’t trade it for an empty nursery. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I remember having to pack up the few things we had received for our twins in a box and having to put it away, along with our dream of being parents.

And then God blessed us with Mazy Grace.

You’ve heard me talk in the past about my “plan” to have Mazy be a good sleeper. I read Baby Wise, had my plan of sleeping, feeding, awake times all planned out.  And then she had acid reflux and slept in her bouncy seat the first 6-7 months of her life. Dan finally told me to stop reading the books and just accept the situation we were in. Plus, the extra stress about what “wasn’t” happening, wasn’t helping my failing heart either.

By month 6, we sleep trained her and we thought we were on our way. Then we traveled and it seemed to go downhill ever since then. Between colds and ear infections, the winter was a bit rough (though we would have moments of “sleep training” her, but it never stuck).

By the time she was 1, we were becoming a bit desperate, wondering what we were doing wrong? Thus began a long journey of ear infections for the next 3 months – an infection that never really went away until she got tubes at the end of May, when she was 14 months. Everyone told me that she was going to be a different kid and start sleeping through the night. Well, things only ended up getting worse. She ended up with pneumonia and that took a few weeks for her to completely get over. Then we had about a week break and then she came down with a nasty virus that landed her in the hospital for just a night, but nevertheless, took a little while to get over. Then Dan was gone for a few weeks to Haiti and she ended up with some anxiety issues from the hospital and Dan being gone, which led to her pulling her hair out.

All that to say, we could not try and sleep train that poor girl because she had enough going on in her life. During this time, she was also working on her canines and 1st year molars, which didn’t help, and we now think she has allergies (but who doesn’t get a runny nose during harvest, right?)

So that brings us to October and Mazy is now 1 1/2 years old.

After her teeth came through, her allergies subsided, and she no longer pulled out her hair, we decided that maybe it was time to try and sleep train her again. We felt there were no excuses and no reason why she couldn’t.

So we gave it a whirl. The first night of course was rough, with over 1 hour of crying with me going in there every 10-15 minutes telling her she is okay, mommy loves her, and that it’s time to sleep. She woke up a few more times, but eventually was sound asleep.

Night 2: Woke up just a few times, but I went in there, told her it’s okay, and she would look at me, put her wubs in her mouth, sigh, and close her eyes.

Night 3: Even better. Only 1 or 2 wakeups and she put herself back to sleep.

And since then, it has only improved. No, she doesn’t have completely sleep-through-the-night, nights yet, but we are getting there. We KNOW she can put herself back to sleep. We KNOW what the “pain” cry and the “I don’t want to sleep” cry is. We KNOW when she is panicked and may have woken up from a bad dream or is worried.

We KNOW. And I’m telling you, knowing is half the battle!

She will digress I am sure when cold and ear infection season starts, but Mazy sleeps so much MORE now. Who would have thought the more she sleeps, the longer she sleeps? We put her down between 8:15 and 8:30 (we still give her melatonin at night), and she often doesn’t wake up for the day until 8:30 or 9am. And she has even been known to sleep til 10 or 10:30 (on rare occasions). She takes 1 1/2 – 2 1/2 hour naps. And for the longest time, she was a HORRIBLE napper!

This is where months and months of prayers have brought us. Every night, Dan and I pray before we go to sleep and every prayer always included a request for Mazy to sleep well. We NEVER imagined that it would take 18-19 months for her to get the hang of sleep, but looking back, those times have been precious.

Let me say this though: Like I tell other mommys who have kids who struggle to sleep, LACK OF SLEEP IS NO JOKE. I know we are to be thankful in every circumstance and truthfully, I think we can be honest about the difficulties in life and still be thankful. God created our bodies to need sleep and when they do not receive that sleep, it messes EVERYTHING up (I’m telling you, everything). We can be thankful for our little ones, our lives, and those quiet nights rocking our children, but our bodies still need sleep. Our children need our bodies to have sleep too. We are better parents, better wives, better everything when we are well rested.

So if you are a mama out there whose child is not sleeping well, you are NOT alone. So many people told me that it’s a season of life and I know it is, but the problem is that you don’t know when that season is going to end. There seems to be no end in sight and you wonder how you can keep mustering up the courage to face another sleep-less night.

Those moments will bring you to a whole new perspective of God’s grace. I remember trying to do my devotions in the morning and wondering how am I going to make it through the day with only a few hours of sleep? Mazy wasn’t a good napper, so I couldn’t take a nap when she did. But let me tell you, HIS MERCIES ARE NEW EVERY MORNING! And that’s the perspective we have to keep.

Every morning, despite how little or how much sleep we get, His mercies really are new. It’s another day that God shows His grace to us. It’s another day to live out the role of being mama. And it’s another day our child needs our love.

I have learned (and like my doctor told me numerous times), some kids are good sleepers and some just aren’t. Some are light sleepers and some aren’t. Mazy, since the day she was born, could never sleep with noise that happens suddenly. And trust me, she was at countless basketball games in womb with buzzers and screaming all around. Any little noise startles her. We have tried to have her sleep in public places and it has NEVER worked. She’s a light sleeper (just like her mama). We have a fan going and any “other” noise she wakes up – silly girl!

Mazy still wakes up occasionally and I can’t really sleep until she falls back asleep, but I know that she’s okay. The bond that was created the first 1 1/2 years of her life because of her lack of sleep, is something no one can ever take away from us. She knows I love her and that’s why every morning when I get her (minus two days when my husband stays home with her), I pick her up out of her crib and she gives me the biggest smile and hug, telling me all about her night and reminding me of the decor in her room and what it says.

Moments that are priceless.

Whether you have a child who has slept through the night since week 2 (consider yourself one of the few) or still have yet to have your child sleep through the night, just remember that YOU are the perfect mama for your child.  YOU are what your child needs. Though I must insert here that we have a babysitter who we call the baby-whisperer because she seemed to get Mazy to sleep through the night every night she put her down. She is a true gift! Regardless, everything in life is a season and a chapter. One day this chapter and season will come to a close and I know I will look back on it with fond memories. The lack of sleep, okay, maybe not fond, but I do not want to regret how I handled the situation. I want to look back at this time as a time that my faith grew, after months and months of prayers. It took 8 years of praying for a child and now she is here and…

THIS IS THE CHILD WE HAVE PRAYED FOR and I wouldn’t trade any of those moments for ANYTHING.

The joy, smiles, and love Mazy brings to our life, words can’t explain.

Oh what a good night of sleep will do – your day is coming. Not every night is sleeping bliss, but we are moving forward.

P.S. In the picture, clearly Mazy is pretty active at night – her pants are halfway down, her legs tugged underneath, and she is out. Needless to say, it took some work to wake her up from this deep sleep!