One Day At A Time

What a week it has been!

First of all, thank you all for the prayers, messages, and emails! We are incredibly blessed to be part of the family of God and be offered so much love, care, and support! This past week hasn’t been anything like we ever imagined, yet it was exactly what God knew would happen. If I was told beforehand, that this is how our week would go, I think I would’ve been scared stiff, but I remember someone giving me the advice of “take it one day at a time”. That couldn’t be more true and what a gift that was!

Each day is getting easier and better! Friday night I was able to get 8 hours of sleep, which was incredible! It definitely helps to have Dan around on the weekends! Yes, he is around during the week, but he also has to get up and work too, so having him take a feeding or 2 on the weekends, is wonderful. Because the diuretic has effected my milk supply, we also have to supplement, which means Mazy can easily take a bottle. Therefore, we take full advantage of her being able to drink formula at night, so that I only have to get up once or twice to feed her. I know I was not getting enough sleep, but we have been blessed with such wonderful help, that has made this past week manageable.

I did hit my breaking point though and had a meltdown on Wednesday. My personality is one that keeps sticking her shoes into the ground, until there is no sole left. The problem is that I end up wearing myself out, and before you know it, I am to the point of complete exhaustion. So many times I wondered “is this normal” or “should I really feel this way”, but I realized that recovering from having a baby takes awhile in itself, but then to have the complications I did/do, just accentuated it all. But I am happy to say that I think we are on the upswing! Thanks to all of the wonderful help we have had!

I am continuing to pass fluids. I have now passed between 25-30 lbs. of fluid! How in the world that is even possible, I do not know, but I know that I feel incredible (well, much better than I did last weekend). I never knew how horrible I felt, until I started to get rid of them. Of course when you lose that much weight in fluids in such a short amount of time, your body also then needs to adjust to that as well. That was a bit of a challenge and that is why I was also so tired and almost lethargic. Though now that my body is working on regulating itself, I now have more energy and feel more like “Kristin”.

Both my OB and heart doctor called on Thursday to check in and see how I was doing. I really appreciated those calls because they told me they were concerned for me, but felt that if I could pass the fluids, I would be a different person. In fact, my heart doctor reassured me that she was 99.9% sure that if my body continued to respond to the diuretics as it has, that my valve too, would also respond and start to work again. Apparently another valve started to malfunction and my heart also enlarged, but she feels that if we can keep the fluids under control, that my valves would also improve. Though my mitral valve may not ever only mildly leak again, what I care about it that I am able to just function as a normal person. I lived with moderate to severe leaking for awhile, so even if it’s just moderate, I am fine with that. If it prevents me from having open heart surgery, I am game! I want to just be a mother to Mazy.

So I know I am passing fluids. I don’t think I have much more to pass, so now we pray that my heart will respond. That God would yet again, heal this valve (well, now valves). That He would mold this heart back into shape and that my body would not retain fluids, so that I do not have to take a diuretic daily. A few people have told me that the devil is just trying to steal all of the joy out of having a newborn. Out of having this little baby – this child that we prayed for, for so long. At times I definitely felt like he was winning, as I felt so sick. Yet it was a mind game too – I was letting him win. When I chose to focus my mind on the things above, accept help when it was offered, and realized that I could not do this alone, that is when joy was restored! I remember sitting on our couch in tears mid-week, wondering why God was allowing this to happen during such a joyful time. Though God was teaching me so much about myself. Like I said earlier, Kristin is a do it herself person, and this all has challenged me to allow others into my life, to take care of our family, and love us. It has been such a refreshing feeling and that is why I could not be more thankful for all of you! Whether near or far, we have felt so much support and love. We never imagined our first days and weeks with Mazy Grace to be as they have, but God too, has a good and perfect plan in this as well. I am a different person because of it.

Please continue to pray for healing of my heart, but also praise God for the healing he has given me when it comes to the fluids! Yesterday I saw a bone in my foot, which I haven’t seen for quite some time! I also have feeling back in my feet, and was able to put my wedding rings back on. I also put my slippers on yesterday, instead of having to wear Dan’s size 12 shoes, just so that I could wear something. Seems odd, but is such a blessing!

We are making strides! By the way, Mazy Grace is getting cuter by the day!