One More Day

Tomorrow I should be busting out of here and boy, I couldn’t be more ready! In my head, I thought these days would go pretty smoothly, but they’ve been proving to be harder and harder as they go on. Chemotherapy sure does a number to the body, which to me, hopefully says that it’s still doing it’s job.

The fatigue and nausea have set in, but thanks to the amazing nurses who offer great anti-nausea meds and resting in bed, is surely what the doctor ordered for good reason. Food sounds less than appealing, but as long as I can keep up on my anti-nausea meds, some things do go down okay. Needless to say, I am SO ready to be home, to eat whatever sounds good at that given moment, even if it’s just a few bites, and to just be in my own home.

It is pretty quiet up on my floor this go-around, that’s for sure. A completely different feel on the leukemia consolidation floor, with only 10 beds to the unit. I once again realize the odd age that I am here, but I want to prove that this can be done at any age. In fact, the cleaning guy told my nurse that he never sees the patient, but that the visitor is always sitting in the couch or chair. She chuckled and said, “She IS the patient!” Not minutes after, I had come back from walking downstairs for a bit and the check-in lady asked if I had a visitor’s pass. I told her I was a patient and she said, “well, let’s get you a visitor’s pass…” (clearly, she didn’t believe me, though she was very kind about it). She asked who I was there to see and I for some reason raised my arm to scratch my head that had my hospital band on and she chuckles and said, “Wow, you really ARE the patient!” We both laughed it off…

Sometimes I wonder why I am here too. It has felt like a lot again, especially when I don’t feel well. Tears well up in my eyes as I long for a day where I can just feel like Kristin. I felt we had a glimpse of that while camping this past weekend and now all I want is more of that. To think I have to do this 3 more times, seems like a LOT. But as Dan reminded me, I’m almost 1/4 of the way done already. All perspective. Face-timing my family just doesn’t seem like enough. Managing all of the appointments, suggestions, and to-dos feels so overwhelming, but the saying “one step at a time” keeps running through my head. God has paved the way, now I just have to take one step at a time through this journey.

So here’s to GOING HOME tomorrow! I will have to head back (we think twice next week for transfusions), but then my trips out here should be less until I go back for my next consolidation treatment the end of November. Sadly, I will miss one of my most favorite times of the year, our town’s annual Christmas parade. I will probably shed a tear over this, but sometimes you’ve gotta miss out on the good to get to the better. At least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself!

Thank you for checking in, for praying, and for walking through the ups and downs with us. I pray for a day where we will feel some sort of normalcy again to help prepare us for the next steps, but that is when we have to leave it in God’s hands, since He knows best anyways!