This Is Just The Beginning

I first want to thank you ALL for all of your emails, messages, encouragement, and most of all prayers. To be honest, I was nervous when I hit the “publish” button yesterday on our blog because I knew we were opening up our life about a situation that is very unique. We know that not everyone may agree with the route we are taking, but it’s not us taking this route – it’s GOD taking us on this route. We are just following His lead. Many of you have chosen beautiful words and they have been an incredible encouragment to us – we thank God for you.

As I said yesterday, I am hoping to keep up on blogging through this process because many of you I do not talk to in person, much less live in the same area. I am hoping that as the story unfolds, that you will only see God’s grace flowing through this – that it has everything to do with Him. There is so much to say and tell you, but it will just take time for it to all come out!

In trying to figure out where to start, I decided to go back to the journal entry I wrote, the night that we met with Tim and Brenda. Trust me, it is not some profound piece of writing – it was a “I have to just let this all out” writing. I think best through writing. Here is just a glimpse into what happened that night:

Today is a day (as always) of God’s perfect orchestration. I came home from work tonight to see we had a message on the answering machine. It was Brenda, wondering if her and Tim could meet with us to run something by us. At that point I had no idea what she was talking about, but thought “yup, we’re free tonight.” Called Dan to make sure he was going to come home from dropping off our fishing boat at his parents. Called Brenda and said “sure, are you free tonight?”

Brenda and Tim came over around 9:10. Laughter and joking around occurred as usual. As we sat there, I felt this immense sense of peace. Not that I stopped the conversations going on, but I wanted to “cut to the chase” so I said, “so welcome…” meaning “let’s talk.”

Tim and Brenda graciously and humbly told us how they have been praying for us regarding kids. They asked us “have you ever thought about a gestational carrier?” Dan and I hem and hawed over it and said, “we’ve talked about it, but could NEVER ask someone.” Tim said, “well what if that someone was sitting in this room?” I honestly didn’t even know what he meant. Dan got his drift – he said, “Tim, you can’t carry a baby!” They probably realized I was so confused and he clarified “that Brenda is capable.”

My jaw probably literally dropped. Dan I think started to laugh. We didn’t know what to say. What was there to say? A million questions and thoughts were running through our heads.

Yet through it all I still felt peace. In my heart, I was smiling. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

Every doubt I had, every question I had thought of, they could answer right at that moment. God’s presence was felt everywhere in our living room. They had figured out the insurance stuff. Attorney ideas. Doctors. Costs. Options. They knew that if they were going to present it to us, they wanted to have as much information as they could.

But what we ALL kept coming back to, was “is this God’s will?”

We don’t know. We have NO CLUE.

What we do know is that Tim and Brenda have answered the call in their life to tell us that they would like to offer this to us. (getting teary- eyed…)

Someone would OFFER to carry OUR baby? Someone would risk 9 months of their life for US? Somebody has been going to the doctor for over a YEAR, getting tests done, doing research for us, praying constantly for US? For A YEAR? God is orchestrating all of this without our knowledge, knowing ALL the questions we would have, and have almost ALL of them answered TONIGHT? God did ALL OF THIS FOR US TONIGHT.

Our thoughts are everywhere. Dan said “my mind is going in a million different directions.” That is putting it lightly. Am I overwhelmed? No. Am I wondering what in the world the future holds for us? That tonight our lives could be changed forever? YUP!

Humbled is what we are tonight. We do not feel “worthy.” Really? For US? But YES, FOR US.

This brings us back to the cross. We are NOT deserving of it. But YES, FOR US.

As I am typing this, I have to remind myself, that THIS JUST HAPPENED. That someone OFFERED to be a gestational carrier for us.

I can only conclude this by saying “soli deo Gloria.” GLORY TO GOD ALONE.

After many questions, after many smiles, laughs, jokes (trust me there were plenty), we ended the night in prayer. As Tim and Brenda prayed, all I could do was cry. They were purely tears of being humbled. God has called someone to tell us they would like to do this for us. They have answered the call in their life. They feel they want to do this for us.

We are laughing about this tonight. We are having our what-ifs quieted by the papers Brenda gave us (this is a PACKET – a whole FOLDER of papers). We are eager. We are overjoyed. We are happy. We are baffled. We are at peace. We are ready to see where God takes this.

We don’t know. We don’t have a clue.

But we are ready.

We are ready to pray without ceasing. To pray wholeheartedly for God to give us clear direction.

Tim and Brenda left about a hour later and we still sit here just happy. Laughing. Humbled. At peace.

Tonight may be the beginning of a whole new chapter in our life.

The first chapter in what may be an incredible story of God’s grace, provisions, and perfect orchestration.

Trust me, there will be plenty more to come!