Today’s Small Miracles

Oh to try and put today into words…

Today Dan and I headed to Ann Arbor for the first of MANY appointments in the oncology department. We decided that we are getting to know the University Hospital QUITE well. My appointments today were located in the children’s hospital, which was a change of scenery for us. It was hard to see small faces walking with the same disease I do though. I can’t even begin to imagine. Like I told Dan, I am so glad it’s me and not our daughter. A humbling realization amidst the chaos of cancer.

After my blood draw, we met with my new outpatient oncologist. She is a phenomenal doctor with great bedside manner. We had every question answered in such a clear and understandable way. Cancer terminology is so new to us, that any word that doesn’t make sense, stops our minds and ears from hearing anything else until we understand that portion. But today we had no trouble following what our doctor was saying.

And…my doctor believes I am in REMISSION. Now, I had a bone marrow biopsy today as well, and that test will be the true defining factor if I am truly in remission or not, but all of my blood tests today are pointing to the fact that I am. Que the tears, my friends. This is nothing short of a miracle! Again, not 100% certain, but she was so sure that she started making plans for my next treatment “just in case” I for sure was :). In other words, it would take a lot for it to show that I wasn’t. In fact, my blood tests show that there are 0% blasts (leukemia) in my blood and a bone marrow biopsy will tell us the nitty-gritty details. This is after just ONE round of chemotherapy. Now it was the toughest of the 5 and the hardest on my body, but we MADE IT. Looking back, I do see why they hospitalize you because even though those 3 weeks were a complete blur mentally, there is NO way I could’ve lived at home. Those doctors sure knew what they were doing.

Then today.

Oh to hear that I shouldn’t get as sick during my next 4 treatments. To hear that I won’t lose my hair, though it may thin even more (I have some to spare), made Mazy’s DAY. To hear that I have a shot at being fully CURED after my next 4 rounds. To hear that they hope to put me in monitoring mode in just a few months. To hear that I just might have made an “absurd recurd” (as Mazy says – thank you Dude Perfect) for getting out of the hospital after treatment. Brings me to tears! This is nothing short of a miracle.

So what’s next? I will go back to the hospital on October 24 for my 2nd round of chemotherapy. I will have to stay there for 4 days, but that is nothing compared to 3 weeks! The chemo will be less intense than my first round, so I will be able to come home after, though will need to be monitored closely. I will be going in for blood draws a couple times a week, along with possible transfusions a few times a week as well. It will be my job, but I would MUCH rather be at home and manage from home. If I get fevers, then I will be shipped back. I will do this 4 times, so we are hoping around end of January, beginning of February, I will be done. It’ll be intense and a roller coaster at times, but I feel ready. I am ready. I am ready to #kickthekeem, as my friend Matt says!

It is just mind-boggling to me, how this even occurred. The doctor said one blood cell was deformed. ONE. That one cell caused a whole heap of trouble in my body, called leukemia. Within that one cell, chromosome 16, was inverted. And then split, and the rest is history. There is nothing I did, nothing anyone could’ve prevented, and it is nothing related to my heart failure. It’s just something that happened. But as Dan said, “There are some things we are just not meant to know.” We don’t need to know they whys. All we know is that there is nothing I did to get leukemia, there is nothing I did to get rid of it. Medicine is just a tool. God is the user of that tool. GOD is the one who is healing. GOD is the one who is allowing all that He has. GOD is the Great Physician. GOD is the one who is in control.

There is a journey ahead and it will continue to be day-by-day living, but there is a lot to learn in that way of living too. God has taught me so much through this journey already and I know there’s even more to learn. And today we celebrate God’s gracious goodness. Nothing we have deserved or earned. ALL HIS GRACE.