Wants

Have you ever thought about your wants? Wants vs. needs? While I was cleaning (go figure :)), I was thinking about how much our culture is all about wants. Just watch tv for 5 minutes and you will realize how much “wanting” is thrown at us. I started to think about my own wants.

I first thought about how much I just want to know what our future looks like. How selfish, really. I want to know so that I can live MY life and plan MY life. What about the life that GOD wants for me? I want to know if our house will be filled with children someday. Why not be thankful for the kids that we already do have in our house every week? God already HAS filled that want – I am just not appreciative of what we already have.

Do my earthly wants overcompensate for my heavenly desires? Amidst all that we have and all the things that we still “want” in life, does the desire to know my heavenly Father and pursue the perfection of my faith, win? Or am I looking for ways to please myself and please others, instead of the Creator OF ME? Over these pasts few months, I have changed a lot I feel. Though one thing I am conscious of that I wish I didn’t see in myself (wishing it wasn’t there) is the desire to want this all to just go away. Yes, that is human. I understand that. But God has us going through all this for a reason! To want it to go away, means that I am not willing to accept the path God has chosen for us. To want my doctor’s appt. to just be tomorrow (though it’s not), means that I am not willing to wait on God’s perfect timing. To want to know if we will have kids, means I am not willing to be patient and capitalize on what God has already given us. On Sunday nights, our house gets CRAZY. Parents come in and sometimes wonder what we did to their child :). But I have sat back a few times and just listened. Listened to the laughter. Listened to the conversations. It’s beautiful. I have had such deep conversations with some of our kids on those nights – conversations that they come back to and bring up weeks later because they had an impact. I have to ask myself – why am I never satisfied?

Wanting more can lead to worry – trust me. Been there! Wanting more can lead to selfish gain. Wanting more can lead to relying on self instead of God. Wanting more can lead to thinking that what I want is more important than what God wants for me. Wanting more says I know what’s best and God, you don’t.

Though…with all this said, I don’t think it’s wrong to want to be healed or pray for a cure. Obviously. I don’t think it’s wrong to pray prayer requests. I just think there is a fine line that we walk daily. Yes, I want all the troubles of the past to dissipate – but I have to be willing to accept the situation if God says NOT YET. Is it wrong to want good things to happen? By all means no. It’s just to what extent are we willing to get what we want and when does it step off the narrow path that God has called us to? We should want to thirst for God. We should want only what God wants for us.

The song that keeps popping into my head is the song by Jeremy Camp, “Give Me Jesus.” Ever listen to that song? Here are a few lines…In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus. You can have all this world, just give me Jesus. When I am alone, give me Jesus. When I come to die, give me Jesus. Really that is all we should want, is Jesus.

So where are you today with regards to wants? I know I have a long way to go :). That’s part of the taking off the old self and putting on the new. I praise God that He is GRACIOUS enough to still love me when I continually don’t live up to His standards. God’s unconditional love thankfully surpasses all!