The time has come. Sixteen years of wondering when the next surgery would be. Sixteen years of life events that have led us to a moment, such as this. Sixteen years of waiting for open heart surgery #2.
I have thought often of what that day was like on Wednesday, January 17, 2001. It was a brisk winter morning, as my parents and I sat in a darkened waiting room, waiting to be taken into the pre-op room. I can only imagine what was going through their hearts and minds. It is MUCH easier being the person going through it, than being the loved one. Mazy spent a little over 24 hours once in the hospital and I thought it was the end of the world. The tears I shed for that sweet little girl. And I know all too many of you have seen your little ones and loved ones go through struggles, where you would have taken their place in a heartbeat.
That day, I remember joking around with the nurses, doctors, and the umpteen people in that operating room, minutes before I was to be put under. When the anesthesiologist said I would be sleeping in 10 seconds, I couldn’t help but think of my Savior. My God. Would I meet Him that day? I feel that surgery was much more risky than this one (not sure that’s true, but that’s just what I think), but I want Friday, October 20, to be no different. Except I’m not going to think about meeting Him, but thinking about what He has done and WILL DO in my life.
And the next time I wake up, it will be pretty intense and pretty painful at times, but it is just time. I’d love to say I’ll get through it with ease, but I’m not going to kid myself. It’s tough, but I am ready. Ready to fight the battle and ready to see what else God has in store for me in this next chapter of my life.
If the past 16 years are any inkling as to what the next chapter will hold, all I know is that I have to hold on for the ride! From graduating high school, getting a college degree, getting married, moving to St. Joseph, grieving the child we wouldn’t have, grieving two children we would have, job loss, moving to Minnesota, celebrating a heart healing, giving birth to our daughter, experiencing heart failure again, moving back to Michigan, and now here we are. All of these events have been faith growers and faith challengers. And I couldn’t imagine my life without them.
This is THE perfect time.
Last night, Mazy woke up a bit after 5am, after wetting through. I was rocking her back to sleep after Dan helped me change her and the sheets (he was up for work already), and then I thought “take this moment in.” I realized Dan wasn’t going to be back in bed, so I broke every parent rule we ever set. I took her in bed with me, which we NEVER do. I mean NEVER. But I realized this is going to be the last time in a long time, where I can snuggle with my sweetie. It took us both a bit to fall asleep, but after we did, we were snuggled in like it was a zero degree night. Oh did I treasure that moment. Oh did it literally warm my heart. It was all part of God’s plan. –
One of my favorite passages in Scripture is Psalm 121. God used this Psalm to carry me through my last surgery and I can’t help but look back on it again. The words filled with so many promises and truths. Words that no matter what you are going through, can be an inspiration to keep going, not in fear, but in peace that we are in His everlasting arms.
In fact, when I met Dan and we were talking about our favorite passages, no joke, he said Psalm 121. Even before we met, God instilled in both of us, the need to understand what this Psalm meant and what it would someday, mean for our lives. Together. We have been through some incredibly tough times, but also some incredibly good times too. In them all, God watched over us and our help always came through Him.
I am so thankful for the platform God has given me through blogging to tell of His glory. I hope that as you follow this blog, that you will see God’s undeniable love for YOU, His undeniable grace for YOU, and truly, just how much He loves YOU. He is truly NEVER done with us! Even when you think life is dull and wondering what purpose you have, folks, you’ve GOT a purpose. Just keep asking and keep looking for the still. small ways that He speaks to you. Trust me, it’s there. Why? Because we are created in His image, to spread the name of Christ here on this earth. Kind of a big deal and a big purpose! Don’t lose sight of that!
I will obviously not be able to blog for awhile (not sure how long), but like I said before, Dan hopes to keep everyone updated via THIS blog and also on Facebook, via status updates. We want to do so because we know that so many of you are praying and we want to keep you posted on what God is doing during this time in our life. How He is answering prayers and also what we could use prayer for.
Thank you all again, for all the love and support you have given us during this time! We praise God for you daily! Next time you see a blog post written by me, I will be celebrating another successful open heart surgery and ready to kick this heart stuff out the door!
Until next time…
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.