The Chains of Fear

The other day Dan and I were chatting about life and I had to confess something: I’ve been struggling with fear. Fear that has taken residence in my heart, and I don’t like it. Since September of 2022, when I was diagnosed with leukemia, I have tried to battle the fear that was thrown like a pie to my face, on the daily. I try to dodge it, run away from it, and ignore it. But ever since my heart has acted up again, I have been battling fear. Fear that I’m going to need a heart transplant. Fear that my heart isn’t going to get better. Fear that I am going to relapse again. Fear that I’ll need another bone marrow transplant, but won’t qualify for one. Fear that I won’t ever get my “normal” life back.

And I recognize, this is not who I am. This is not who God created me to be. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” This fear I have? Is not from Him, but is of Satan and he’s trying to tell me that I need to be in control and that I need to control the outcome. Do you want to know how debilitating that is? There is no such freedom in this way of thinking, except chains that hold us to the worrisome ground we are standing on.

Do I have a reason to fear? Well, I’ve had a failing heart for years and I did relapse once already, so those experiences have become triggers for me. Triggers that tell me I need to release a bit more control and that I have some more healing to do. I am valuing what I think is best over what God has already perfectly ordained since the beginning of time, creating this fear. I am valuing my health over the redemptive story God is weaving through my life. I am valuing my comfort over what God might be doing to advance His kingdom for His glory.

Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

The Bible doesn’t say, sometimes you might be anxious and in “this” situation it’s okay. No, it says to not be anxious about ANYTHING. PRAY about it, and let God know what you’re struggling with! And peace will guard your heart from that fear.

And let me tell you, I have experienced this personally. Ever since I admitted my fear, I have been trying to integrate truth into every part of my day, especially through music, and that peace and joy is coming back. In fact, I wasn’t going to write this post until after my bone marrow biopsy next week, which tests to see if that cancer is back because I didn’t want to write this and then have it actually come back. I wanted to write this fear-free from my circumstances. But you see what I did there? I’m using my circumstances as the basis for my level of peace, as the benchmark for my happiness, and my marker for true joy.

No, joy can be found TODAY. True peace, is found in TODAY because of the hope we have in Christ.

On the way to a soccer game today for a youth group kiddo and my niece, Mazy had requested the song, “No Chains” by KB. Yes, I have infiltrated my child with a love for Christian hip-hop and rap! Anyways, the main lyric is “I’m so free I’ve got no chains on me”.

And that’s the truth I stand in today. I can be released from the chains of fear because I am free in Christ and only through His death, do I have life. A life that I can live to the fullest! I’m not saying that the fear is “poof” gone, but when I allow the truth of God’s Word to permeate my heart, there is a level of peace that surpasses all understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6).

I don’t know if you wrestle with fear, but if you do, know that you don’t walk alone. But you also don’t have to walk with that fear either. The chains of fear don’t have to bog you down. Let the freedom found in Christ to cut those chains off so you can run free, the race God has marked out for you!