Leukemia Journey Update

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10a

This passage of the Bible has been a challenge for me as of late. One would maybe think this verse would be easy for me because it’s not hard to “be still” when I had to quit work, focus on a cancer diagnosis, and basically stay away from larger groups, nixing many of the gatherings I’m used to. But this has been a challenge.

A friend had given me a thoughtful gift card to a Christian clothing company, and lo and behold, the t-shirt I loved the most, had this verse on it. I also got a journal with the saying “Be Still” on the front, unintentionally. And when I look down, it’s the shirt I’m wearing today.

I think God is trying to tell me something.

It is hard to go from many activities, to none of them. Having done this before, numerous times, you’d think I’d have it down. But I don’t. God calls us to different seasons of life, but the truth remains the same. Whether our calendars are full or empty, the command is the same – be still and know that I am God.

This past week I finished up 3 days of chemo and will finish up the chemo pill this week. It’s a given that chemo is toxic, so it doesn’t always make me feel great, but I am thankful for the good hours and sustaining grace God has given me. Some hours during the day I sleep, but others I’m doing projects around the house. It truly is hour by hour. Nighttime is typically when I feel best, which has been a gift, since that’s when we are together as a family. Maybe it’s because I’m able to mentally put cancer aside, but regardless, it’s a gift.

This month I have a few bone marrow transplant appointments, and many lab draws, as we keep a close eye on my counts after receiving more chemo. This is all in preparation for my bone marrow transplant in January. My biopsy results are favorable, with NO leukemia showing up under the microscope. Some abnormalities showed up in the genetic test (mutation of the disease is still there), but nothing surprising and that does not change the course of action. We are thankful that the chemo is working and are more than ready to get the month of January behind us! It’ll be a long haul, but one that many have done and I know we can do it too.

Despite all of the appointments, low counts, and chemo, the weather thus far has been such a gift and has allowed me to get outside to walk and experience the joys of the holidays:

A sweet friend of mine took Mazy to the Holland Christmas parade this week! As you can tell, she LOVED it! Mazy and I also went to the Zeeland parade the night before, thanks to it obviously being outside!

I shared this on social media this past week, but I know many are not on Facebook, so I thought I would share this here as well. A story of God’s tender love and care in the simplest of forms:

The other night, Mazy and I took a stroll downtown to see the twinkling lights on a warmer fall evening. We noticed the carriage rides were happening and I wanted to go in the worst way. Think Hallmark movie in real life. But I knew it’d be too crowded to safely do it. We got out of the van anyways to see what the waiting list looked like.

The lady mentioned there were 3 carriages and the other two were almost full, but there was an empty one, but wasn’t sure we’d want to ride alone. It took everything in me to choke back my tears as I muttered we will take it! I mentioned that I didn’t think we could do it because I can’t be around lots of people due to cancer treatments, so this was a God-thing. Sure enough, Mazy and I stepped on and we were the only people on that carriage!

As we drove by the check-in station, I was wiping tears as the ticket lady and I made eye contact. It was a moment that God had set up just for us and we had the privilege of having a front row seat of a carriage to see it.

Seems so minuscule, but not being able to do much due to low white blood cell counts, anything outside is perfect, as long as I can choose my distance. This time, God chose it for us and with tears streaming down my face, we took a tour through the cutest town one could live in. A place we call home. A time and place God had ordained in His perfect time, just for us. Only God.

On Friday night, Dan and Mazy, along with some friends, attended the Winning At Home Father/Daughter Dance. Winning At Home is a Christian counseling center and is a place that is near and dear to our hearts. They have done much for our family as we have walked the heart and cancer roads. I think their smiles give a hint as to how much fun they had:

I sometimes still can’t believe the gift God has given us and the opportunity we have to be a steward over her here on this earth. A true gift.

Even if it’s a little rainy, it won’t stop us from taking our Sunday afternoon walk together downtown!

So as I continue to learn to be still and know that God is God, I am finding ways that He is filling my soul. Through a song I’m listening to. A podcast. The daily walk I try to take. The drive to do a grocery pickup. My devotional times. Books I’m reading. The quiet of our home, that allows me to just pray and PRAY. An on-going conversation with God is what it becomes.

I know many would DREAM of having weeks on end at home and I would too – without cancer. It is sometimes a full-time job to fight this, and the battle my mind has to trust that God is God, isn’t always easy. The devil knows when and where to get us, as he prowls around like a lion, looking for someone to devour. But I refuse to let that dude win. And so we cling to the truths to…

Be still and know that I am God – Psalm 46:10a