Arms Filled

This is what I wrote in the past:
To our little babies: Oh how we just long to hold you, but we know that one day we will. Our arms feel so empty at times, but our hearts are full of love for you and even more so for your Creator. On this Mother’s Day, know that your mother is so blessed and humbled to call you my children. Even though we are separated for this short time, I know that our Father is taking such good care of you – what more could a mother want? To know her children are safe in their Creator’s arms.

And now I reflect on how God has given us the gift of a child in our arms. Our arms are full – literally. Our longing to hold, fulfilled. Our longing to love, satisfied. God has taught us through Mazy Grace, more about His love and abounding grace, than we ever imagined. We never thought we could grow in the way we have, since she came into our lives. The gifts SHE has given us, little does she know, has drawn us closer to our Savior. It is in those gifts, that we realize in loss and in gain, that God can work all things, for the good.

This past week, I told Mazy about her siblings in Heaven, that one day she will get to meet them too! Oh how they would have loved to have played with her! Mazy loves to be talked to and played with, and we know her siblings would’ve done just that.

Yet we know that Mazy was meant to be our first earthly child. How God designed her to come into this world, through a natural pregnancy in me, was nothing short of miraculous. God had much he wanted to teach us. And it is in those thoughts and moments, that we rejoice in the loss. We rejoice in the journey God has taken us on – through the pain and the tears. Because HE has wiped away those tears – those earthly tears and filled our arms and hearts with Mazy Grace.

As Mazy lays in my arms, sound asleep, I tear up for the gift she has been to us. I tear up for those who are experiencing Mother’s Day with their first baby in their arms. I tear up for those who are longing for the same. Those years prior of desiring the very thing we now hold, reminds me of God’s grace, yet the earthly ache that runs so deep. We continue to pray for those who are waiting on God. Who are waiting to have their arms full.

This Mother’s Day truly brings so much joy. And joy can mean tears too. It is the most satisfying. The most fulfilling. Not only because we have Mazy Grace in our arms, but also because of what we have lost. It is because of our past, that makes this Mother’s Day all the more special.

And even more so, we celebrate the gift of being part of God’s covenant promises and part of the greater family of God. We are also having Mazy Grace baptized on Sunday! I always told Dan, that anytime there is a baptism, I would cry. Baptisms were so emotional for me because I wanted to have and to hold. I wanted a child to give to the Lord, to promise to God that I would raise that child to know Him, to give to the church, and have a child be a part of that covenant of grace. And now we have our little Mazy Grace. What a celebration it will be. Now those tears during baptism will be tears of grace flowing down. That we now have a child to have and to hold. Our hearts so full, not only because of what God has given, but also in what God has taken away. The gift of knowing both, is something to be thankful for on this Mother’s Day.

So to those who hold their child for the first time, who hold their child for the millionth time, and to those who long to hold, we think of you. May God’s grace feel each one of you.

What a Mother’s Day it will be.