I shouldn’t be surprised.
Yet I am again and again. At God’s goodness and unfathomable ways in our life. Lying on the table on Tuesday, waiting to see a miracle, I wasn’t so sure. Good thing I did not have a blood pressure cuff on because my reading would have been off the charts. I look back though, and think that if it wasn’t for that scare, that moment of panic, that again, complete surrender of “I’ve got nothing left, Lord”, my faith wouldn’t be where it’s at a few days later.
After 30 years of life, I still do not understand God’s ways. Should I feel guilty saying that? I don’t think so. I think in a sense, God has a mystery about Him because it grows our faith and trust. In fact, check out these verses:
Job 5:9 – He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.
Romans 11:33 – Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways!
Psalm 139: 5-6 – You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
The words “cannot be fathomed, cannot be counted, impossible for us to understand, knowledge too wonderful for me, too lofty to attain…”
I find those words as a Christian as rather comforting. Seems kind of odd as humans to be in a relationship with someone and those words come to mind, but with our heavenly Father, that is the exact relationship I want. Yet I don’t always live that way. I remember crying out to God asking why I was experiencing the symptoms I was? Yet He humbles me again and again, by showing me His ways ARE unfathomable. It IS impossible to understand fully His decisions and ways – but I find that comforting.
Have we always understood why God allowed the pain He did in our life? No, BUT. The place of beauty that He has us in now, has been worth every step. He kept saying, “just wait, my child!” Not understanding His ways, is a calling of faith and complete surrender to His plan. Not a surrender to other’s plans for our life, but to HIS plans. There may be no explanation, but one of pure faith.
I have gone back to Tuesday’s events and tried to rationalize it all in my mind – the sequence of events and the results. They don’t make sense. They are unfathomable in a way. All those symptoms at once (spotting, diarrhea, cramping), yet the doctor’s call saying that all is well. Human’s can’t explain, but God’s ways are so much greater. What I can explain is God’s grace in our life. Did He spare our child’s life? I believe yes. He does everyday that the babester stays snuggled in my womb. Was Tuesday a special day? I don’t know. But I can explain God’s perfect plan – no matter what the results would’ve been. God has chosen to reveal Himself through His power, the power of prayer, and His unattainable ways.
Do you believe in the unfathomable? The unattainable? Miracles that can’t be counted?
Update since Tuesday: I feel GREAT! I am so blessed to have this summer and not work a “normal” job. I have been busy blogging over at Organizing Life With Less (that’s my other part-time job), but that requires rest and sitting – the two things I have needed since Tuesday. I no longer have spotting, diarrhea, or cramping. Nausea occurs throughout the day, but no throwing up, so it is very manageable with diet and water. But actually I LOVE feeling nauseous – odd, I know, but most amazing feeling to a new mom! Slow walks are a great remedy as well. Being able to feel this child “growing” (more or less my body just telling me it’s changing inside), is one of the most intimate feelings. To have a beating heart within. To know that everything I do, Babester comes with, everything I eat, my baby “eats”, and every prayer we pray, God hears.
Beyond blessed. Beyond blessed to serve an unfathomable God.
