Lots To Think about

Last Tuesday night Dan and I had the chance to have some really good talks. Much like the post I posted a few days ago, we talked about the future and what this experience has done for us, taught us, and helped us realize. We had gone to a basketball game last night and we just sat there hoping that someday we would be able to watch our child play sports. That is something we really had a hard time with when we first found out we couldn’t have our own – watching our child in whatever they loved to do – see them love life. Now we might have that opportunity again!

I preface all this with saying that we are so incredibly grateful for the opportunities we have been given. We could not be more humbled and thankful. But even though the gift of a gestational carrier is a dream come true, we are reminded that this isn’t necessarily what the “norm” is. Dan mentioned (and we’ve talked about this numerous times) that we wished we could conceive naturally. It’s hard to think that we will never be able to try. We won’t have the joy (or maybe stress) of trying. We know obviously that our situation now is totally God’s will and that He has given us so much peace. But we know that it’ll be hard to explain to people that I did not carry our own kid. Infertility, in ANY form, is not a pretty thing. It’s still hard to accept the fact that we need to go to a fertility clinic because we feel fertility is not the issue. Yet at the same time, it has so much to do with fertility because I can’t carry. I sometimes feel what we are going through doesn’t compare to what others have to – yet I am comparing apples and oranges. We just all happened to be in the same fruit basket – at the fertility center. We all have different situations that have brought us there. I’ve heard many stories that involve the struggle of getting pregnant or the struggle to “bring” kids into this world and God has performed so many miracles! It’s absolutely stunning to see God work. We just pray that everyone we see in that office believes in the same hope we do – that Christ reigns and that all the brokenness in the world, WILL be restored when He comes again.

To be given the opportunity though, to see ultrasounds, to “experience” a pregnancy through Brenda, to “announce” we are having a child, are things we are hoping to tell stories about someday. Brenda has told me, this isn’t a “me” experience (meaning her), it’s a “we” experience. I feel like that already! I told Dan that night that sometimes I have to pinch myself and tell myself this is really happening. That this is still what God wants for us – we just still feel so unworthy that He would give us another chance. And to be able to have Brenda as our carrier – we couldn’t have imagined a better person for that task.

We eagerly await what God has in store for us, but also sit back and enjoy every moment – each moment is a gift – a gift we never thought we would have. So this Christmas, we have experienced a BEAUTIFUL gift in Brenda, and it only points us to the true gift – the ultimate sacrifice – Jesus Christ.