Only 18 Years

18 years.

The other day, while Mazy was taking a nap, I started to think about the fact that I have 18 years to raise this child. I have 18 years to teach her all I know about life. I have 18 privileged years of having her in our home (and maybe a few more years too).

When I first thought about that, I felt a sense of urgency to tell Mazy everything I knew about life. Then I remembered when I was just a few months pregnant, that I chose to give her to the Lord. That was incredible relief, after realizing that even though God has given me the privilege of raising Mazy with my husband, this child is still the Lord’s. I sure know that I am going to make mistakes. I already have in her short 8 months of life!

A few days ago, I was trying to get Mazy to take a nap. It was high time, but she did not think it was. I found my blood pressure rising a bit as she was screaming because I knew this nap needed to happen, or else it would be a rough rest of the day. Earlier that day, Brenda had sent me a song to listen to “It Is Well” by Bethel Music. I had heard the song before, but decided to grab Mazy and listen to it with her. I put her in her activity center and not a second later, she had her hands raised in the air with a big smile on her face as if she was saying “mom, all I wanted to do was praise God too and you wouldn’t get me!”

At that moment, I lost it.

I picked her up, held her as tight as I could, kissed her cheeks, and just kept singing “it IS well!”

For THIS child we prayed. We prayed for YEARS for her. And I know some pray much longer. Yes, naps are good for babies. But at that moment, our little worship time was even more important. It taught me that there are bigger things in life. I am a firm believer that kids need routine. At least some sort of one. Of course Mazy’s gets thwarted often, but she knows when I lay her down in her crib, it is time to sleep. She will let me know if she doesn’t think so, but that is part of the routine. But at that moment, worshipping was far more important than a nap.

And I have 18 years to do this.

I have since asked myself often, how will I spend those 18 years? Will I look back wishing she took a nap 10 minutes earlier instead of singing a song together? No. Will I look back wishing I had spent less time with her? No. Will I look back wishing I worried more about whether or not I am raising her correctly? No. I really don’t think I will, as long as I consistently make the choice to give her to the Lord. In doing so will not mean that everything will be easy. In doing so doesn’t mean that I have it all together. For pete’s sake, I’ve taken her to the doctor’s office twice now, thinking she had an ear infection and she didn’t (though one time she did!).

I do not have it all together. I was just telling some moms that I ask SO MANY questions. Basically because I am clueless at mothering, but also because I don’t want to screw up. Though I am reminded that no one has it figured out. Every kid is different. And these next 18 years will be unique to our family. These next 18 years will be unique for Mazy. God has given her life so that she might reflect His glory.

And now we have the privilege, by the grace of God, to guide her in that. What a privilege it is! So here’s to the next 18 years (and beyond because certainly I still need my parent’s guidance often!) I can’t wait to see what the next 18 years and beyond hold!