When Opinions Go Beyond Opinions

I have an opinion – about a lot of things. I am sure you have witnessed that in various ways through this blog. But I hope in reading about my opinions, that you are able to see them as just that – an opinion.

As mothers, I think we often find ourselves sharing our opinions, but we make them more than opinions. We go beyond stating what we think and think it’s the only way to think. This is where I become unsettled.

Think social media – all in the name of trying to make a case for a cause. Let me preface this with saying that I am not saying we shouldn’t fight for a cause or stand up for what we believe in.

BUT AT WHAT COST?

I have heard more than once, that people have lost friends over the election. I have heard people say they feel judged because of the way they have chosen to parent. I myself have shied away from saying or talking about certain things for fear of judgement (because I’ve been in that seat before and it hurts).

All in the name of making our opinions known?

There are many “hot topics” these days and I feel as a new mama, I am becoming more aware of these so-called “hot topics”. It’s in the doctor’s offices, the magazines, and all over social media. How about breastfeeding vs. formula? Vaccinating vs. not-vaccinating? Crying it out vs. not letting your baby cry it out? When to start solid foods vs. when to not? When to get rid of the pacifier vs. when to let them grow out of it? Socks vs. no socks? Hat vs. no hat? Okay, maybe some of these aren’t as “hot” as others, but you get my drift.

I have shared my various thoughts on some of these subjects, only from my personal experience. I hope no one ever took what I said to be the ONLY way.

As moms, as parents, as citizens, God has given us the freedom to choose and make decisions, within the realm of His character. When I became pregnant, I was afforded the opportunity to make decisions, with my husband, with regards to our child. EVERY decision we made and will make, has a consequence. It’s just part of life – whether it be a positive or negative consequence. And those decisions and consequences are going to look different FOR EVERY SINGLE PERSON because God has created each of us uniquely.

For instance, I chose to stop breastfeeding at 5 weeks because my body was not producing the milk needed to keep up with my child because of the heart medication I was on. It was a decision that took me a week or 2 to make, but when I made that decision, I knew it would have consequences, both positive and negative. I wouldn’t have that bonding time, but after I quit, my heart started to improve too. We had to weigh the pros and cons.

And that was our personal decision.

I know when asked if I was breastfeeding and I said no, I felt the need to tell the story as to why for fear of feeling guilty. To defend myself and prove that I made the right choice. Yet I have witnessed time and time again, the decisions we make as mothers, we impose on our friends, our acquaintances, and post all over social media, that THIS is the only way to go.

BUT AT WHAT COST?

What happened to the words…

“I can understand how you feel that way…”

“I can see where you are coming from…”

What I see is when disputes about a hot topic happen, especially on facebook, it’s all about sides. Which side are you one? Are you a formula person or not? Do you send your kids to school or homeschool? Do you vaccinate or not? Do you feed your kids juice or not? Then we separate ourselves into our little groups.

DIVIDING OURSELVES AS MOTHERS.

This is where my heart just aches. I think as mothers, we can easily become insecure. I know I can be! I’ll be the first to admit it! Why? Because we are ALL trying to do the same thing, which is parent our littles, but we all have different backgrounds, different kids, and God has given us ALL unique situations. So instead of joining together in our differences, we separate ourselves into these groups. All in the name of trying to feel secure about the decisions we make. And we all don’t have a clue what we are doing, let’s be honest!

When ultimately, what REALLY matters, is that we are doing what we feel GOD is calling us to. Not what the world says we should do and not what everyone else says we should do. I know at the end of my life, I am accountable to nobody else, but God as a woman of God, as a wife, and as a mother.

I am NOT saying we shouldn’t do our research, talk with others who are going through the same thing, or discuss different options. I am NOT saying that we should just be loosy goosy about everything in life. I think God gave us the Bible as a manual for our lives – to help us decide the salvation issues in life. But many of the things that divide us, are not salvation issues, but the are the very things that separate us as sisters in Christ.

I think where we need to check our motives is when we are imposing our beliefs about parenting on someone else, treating our opinions as gospel truth, and that it is THE only way to think. When we are insecure about decisions and parenting, we often become very defensive. I was that way when Mazy was not sleeping. I felt the need to defend why she wasn’t – how we had tried everything. I remember putting something out in a blog post about any strategies other mothers have used, and it was the most beautiful thing. Fellow mothers and friends didn’t tell me WHAT to do, but what worked for THEM. It was the best advice I could have been given.

God has given us the beautiful gift of freedom to make decisions. The Bible does not necessarily give specifics about when to start letting your baby cry it out. When to start giving them solid foods. Though I must say, I don’t know what I would have done without my What To Expect When You’re Expecting book! Though…it’s not the Bible :).

Let’s not use that freedom to shame or impose, but use that freedom to unite and join us together in humbleness, that we all clearly do not have it together.

I am thankful to be surrounded by friends who don’t judge me for how I mother, but accept me for who I am. This is what you get folks! I am NOT a perfect mother and never will be. I do not have it all together and never will. But I hope that one thing you know, is that I am an open book and if I am asked about what I have done with something, I will give personal experience, but it is not necessarily what you should do.

Let’s put our personal mothering scripts aside, listen to what others have to say, use it as knowledge, but not as ammunition. We are all in the same battle – fighting to be the BEST mothers we can be. Let’s fight this battle TOGETHER.