When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. 12 When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.
Job’s suffering was too great for words. You can’t compare pain, but acknowledging loss means so much! How true is that? There were no words that you could say, to make Job “feel” better. There were no words to take away the pain. There were no words to describe what he was going through. For Dan and I, those who just came to visit, love us, cry with us, and just be there, were the most meaningful. We had so many people say “I just have no words” and honestly, it was a relief to hear that. If someone tried to explain away our situation, I think I would’ve been frustrated. There were no words. I sometimes feel like there still aren’t words. In trying to compare pain, I feel like that is such a touchy subject, only because I think it is a fine line. You want people to acknowledge your loss and it is so comforting to hear of others who have gone through something similar. But I think comparing stories can be dangerous, only because it can end up belittling feelings. Thankfully we did not have any of that (at least that sticks in my mind). We had wonderful people share their experiences of loss and it was beautiful to just read their stories. Comparisons weren’t being made. Touchy words could be “I know EXACTLY what you are going through.” I have learned to shy away from that statement because truly, not even my husband knows exactly what I am going through. I don’t know exactly what he is going through. Using absolute words, such as “exactly,” I think can be a little dangerous. Again, thankfully I do not remember anybody doing that to us, but it was just something that came to mind while we were going through what we were. Expressing sympathy and acknowledging the loss is so encouraging. It’s a gentle reminder that people have not forgotten, that people are thinking of you, and that you are surrounded by great supporters.
Sometimes God feels silent. Why? Because God hasn’t revealed everything to us. It takes faith to trust God without knowing all of the answers. We can’t explain an unexplainable God. I have talked about God’s silence before, but I would say in our whole situation, starting from the beginning with the gestational carrier process, it has taken faith. Not that God was silent, but we knew it would be our faith that would carry us. We do not understand at all, why things have happened the way they have, but we are willing to walk by faith. God has not revealed everything to us and quite frankly, there is no way we will figure it out on our own, so I’m just going to sit back and let my faith carry me. Do I always do that? Oh no, folks :)!
There are so many things about God, that we can’t explain – Deuteronomy 29:29 says: The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law. If we knew everything about why God would do what He does, there would be no reason to have faith. I feel like there are some who think that there IS an answer to everything – yes, I think there is (in God’s eyes), but I do not think that God always reveals everything to us, therefore, we will never know all the answers. That is why FAITH is essential. I feel that with the whole embryo situation – obviously back in the Bible times, they did not fathom the thought of embryo adoption. But as Dan and I studied scripture, we did not see any reason as to why God would be against it. In fact, when we looked at the summary of the law, it says to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. We felt we would be doing that.We still feel so passionately about embryo adoption/donation and are excited to keep talking about it. God’s plans in our life are so much bigger than ours. There is someone who I met through the whole embryo adoption process that had adopted embryo(s) with her husband, and now has a child through that process. That is a process that is PURELY God-orchestrated. I think embryo adoption is such a beautiful process and only points people to the unfathomable ways of God. I am thankful we were able to walk down that road, even though just for a short while. Through all that has occurred in our life, it truly does take faith to trust God without knowing all the answers. Without knowing all of the answers as to WHY.
Suffering…we may never have the right words – we will never know all of the answers – until the day we sit at Jesus’ feet and hear the full story. Until then, we get to walk by faith and await in eagerness to see what God has in store for us next. What a glorious day that will be!