Lessons Learned About Grief

Grief has taught me many lessons that I would have never learned any other way, but to go through what we did (are).

Here are a few more things I have learned about grief or have been reminded of (some of them I have talked about before).

1. God never loses control. Do you ever feel like things are out of control? I felt that way a few months ago. There were times when I felt our situation was out of control. But, God NEVER lost control. He knew EVERYTHING going on. Isn’t that hard to imagine? There were days when I would think “what else?” It was God though, who knew all along, what was going on. Like my mom said, “nothing ever surprises God.” He never loses control.

2. Surrender – I have struggled with this word. I know that sounds very “unchristian,” but I feel this word can get twisted. I have been reminded that I am to surrender to God and HIS will and no one else’s. Sometimes I want to demand answers from God – like I deserve to know certain answers. But I need to completely surrender myself to Him. I have to surrender EVERYTHING: my dreams and plans of today and the future. This one is REALLY hard for me. In reality though, I know in my heart that to truly follow Christ, I need to let go of my own desires and seek His. Obviously I selfishly hope they line up with what God wants for me. But that is the reverse on how I should be living – I should be seeking GOD’S wants for me and then MY wants will end up lining up with His. It should never be the other way. Yes, a verse in the Bible talks about God giving you the desires of your heart – but I believe you have to be in line with what HE wants for your life first. It is a process. It is hard to give up our desire for our own kids – but I am willing. Am I always ready? Not always. It’s a daily choice. But I KNOW that if I seek to follow Christ in every step, He will give me the desires of my heart b/c I will be in line with His heart.

3. Dependence. I sometimes think “things” other than God, will make me happy. But dependence on anything OTHER than God, will not help me heal. How did Kristin find herself grieving at times? Keeping myself busy with hobbies. Though hobbies in and of themselves are okay, it’s what you do with them and the motive, that can get sticky. I used crafts, organizing, and crocheting as a way to keep my mind off of grief. I need to let go (surrender) those things that I have been dependent on – those things that have gotten in a way of my complete dependence on God.

4. I said a few days ago that Dan and I are living in a new normal. That is hard to accept sometimes. We can’t even go back to the past. We can repeat it over and over in our minds, but we can never go back to it. Because of that, life won’t ever go back to the way things were – it won’t ever return to that “normal” state of the past. We just have to accept that. BUT, that doesn’t mean there can’t be a new normal and that is what we are excited about. What does that all look like? We aren’t sure yet. But we know God does – He is creating a new normal for the Sterks and we are like children waiting at their Father’s feet, awaiting the next command and direction to go.

I hope those all make sense. They are just a few thoughts that I have read about, thought about, and continue to work on. Grief is a process and we are learning so much through it!