Treatment #2 Complete!

This past Friday I was able to come home from my second completed consolidation treatment. What that basically means is that they took my chemo treatments that I received in September, and administered them at a lesser dose (consolidated). I’m getting the same chemotherapy, just at a lesser rate.

I will be doing this 2 more times. The chemo regimen I am on is called FLAG-GO and the “GO” part I will receive this next treatment (every other treatment). Typically AML patients would be put on a different regimen, but due to my advanced heart failure, I am limited on what I can be treated with. But that doesn’t lessen the chance of what God can do through it. Thankfully these are just medicines and God is the ultimate hand in all of this.

I’ll fully admit that I had a completely skewed view of cancer. I thought if you had cancer that you would look and feel like you have cancer. Now this absolutely can be true! Though for me, I’ve been told I look like the visitor, not the patient, and have been questioned on more than one occasion why I didn’t have my visitor’s pass at the hospital. Well, all I had to do was flash my hospital bracelet and I could go on my merry way. But cancer isn’t always what it seems.

I thought it was easy to “hide” heart failure. It’s an internal disease that can do a number to the body, but so does cancer. Chemotherapy is an insanely intense drug that wreaks havoc. To know that it is so strong that it literally brings my ability to fight sickness and infection at a zero, is mind-boggling. To know I will have no platelets left to fight a bleed. All dangerous places to be, but ones that are counteracted with medication after medication, all in attempts to kill off the leukemia inside of me. And yet probably to most, I look nothing like a cancer patient. Though when I get home from chemo, I am weak, my voice is shaky, my body aches, stomach is off, much like the flu.

Through this journey, I’ve learned even more so, to not ever judge someone based on their outward appearance. Their bones and joints may be aching from the chemo (that is LEGIT), and those steps you see them walking, may be the only steps they take that day. That meal they are getting take out for? Might be the only thing that has sounded good to them all week. That smile they just showed? Might feel like a giant victory because they could find joy again in something.

I had no idea what to expect when it came to leukemia. I still don’t, quite honestly. Every day is so different and everyone’s journey is different. What I am thankful for is to just be HOME. These week-long treatments are hard, yet I know I need to do them in order to increase my chances of a cure. Being away from family, life, missing out on events, etc. takes a mental toll, but you know what? God CONTINUES to provide the strength and faithfulness I need for each new day. I am thankful that this round has been going okay so far, but it’s not without His grace.

Despite what you are going through, remember that God is ALWAYS sovereign. That even though the days are hard, His hand sustains. That even though someone may not look like they are struggling, God may be allowing something really difficult in their life. May we all spread the hope of His great love and care for us, no matter what we may be battling. HE is WORTH serving and WORTH the fight!