When I Thought The Day Would Never Come

When I was first diagnosed with cancer in September 2022, one of the first things Mazy said when she came to visit me at U of M, was that she no longer would be able to braid and brush my hair.

We both cried, as we processed this reality. That day, she brushed and braided my hair, for what we thought was going to be the last time.

But by God’s grace, that time, it wasn’t the last time. In fact, I only thinned that time around, which was such a gift of grace, amidst so much loss in such an abrupt diagnosis.

Though, then I relapsed. After a month or two, by God’s grace alone, I qualified for a bone marrow transplant, but this time hair loss was inevitable. Though, this time it was almost harder because Mazy was older and more aware of what chemo can do, and grieved heavily over the idea of me losing my hair, and therefore losing the braiding and brushing too.

And it did, for over 2 3/4 years. Until a few weeks ago.

I was standing in front of the mirror, wondering what I should do with my hair. I’m still getting used to how thin my hair is, but truthfully, it’s been fun to try all the different styles! I grabbed 3 sections on the top of my head and started to weave them together. I decided to keep going, knowing the further down I went, the easier it might become. Until all of a sudden, I reached for a pony tail holder and this is what I was able to weave together:

I walked out of the bathroom, showing Dan and Mazy my new style, and both of them knew right away what that moment meant. Kristin’s hair is “back”. I was known for often having a braid of some sort in my hair and now? The braid is BACK!

Mazy asked if she could match my hair, and so I braided her hair into a bun, and we had to document the moment.

It’s just a braid. But for my family, it’s been years in the making. So much grief and loss was experienced during my cancer journey, including something as simple as hair. But for Mazy, that was one of the hardest parts for her – the anxiety she walked with, the trauma it caused, worrying if she’d ever see me without my hat on or fearing I would forget, impacted her life immensely. Not a day went by where we didn’t talk about my hats, my hair, or where I was, in case I walked out of a room without it on.

But this. THIS, is all grace. Something I never deserved. At one point we weren’t certain my hair was going to come back, since it was taking longer than expected for it to start showing growth, but here we are!

It’s just hair. But for our sweet Mazy, it was far more than just hair. It was a way to bond. A way for her to express her love to me, by braiding and brushing my hair. And though she isn’t able to quite braid it yet, the visual of a braid will always be a representation of just how far we’ve come. How far God’s faithfulness and goodness has taken us.

To God alone, be the glory!